Lazy8

Bill Hicks is the greatest comedian, alive or dead! ...except for George Bush, that is. The best humor is unintentional, though I suspect the joke is on us these days. The only thing funnier than Steve Martin is a career in standup that predates so many of our members.

Sticks and stones, dudes... Microsoft has been the 800 pound gorilla for almost as long as the personal computer has existed--I don't think the heckling from the peanut gallery has hurt their sales, reputation, or quality. All publicity is good--part of the price of successful marketing, I guess. Let the product speak for itself. Anyway, I enjoy a joke every bit as much as the stuffed shirts in Redmond (OK, maybe a little more). So I think I'll throw us back on topic with an oldie. Pay particular attention to code 01A: 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet) 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)? 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize 00F - Reserved for Future Coding Errors 010 - Virus Error - Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead 011 - Orwell Not Found; You Must Use MSN 012 - Cash Underflow - Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated 013 - Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down 014 - User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue 015 - Error Message Deleted 016 - Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error Sequence 017 - Multitasking Attempted; System Confused 018 - Network Error - Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations 019 - Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To Continue 01A - Insult Detected -- Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted 01B - Error Removing Temp File; a Permanent File Will Be Substituted 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That. 01D - Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota 01E - Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here 01F - Error In Progress; Please Wait.... 020 - Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To Remember 021 - Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error 022 - Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reload Everything

Toenail clipping leaves people without natural defenses against their rivals, and is considered cruelty to humans. They will chip off naturally during rutting season, and abrasion against a post or sidewalk will wear them smoothly down.

@Railman5 Might have been Lou Costello at the other end of that line: Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yea, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That's great Lou. Whatcha get? Costello: A Pentium IV, with 512 Megs of RAM, a 120 Gig hard drive and a 52X CD-ROM. Abbot: That's terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!! Abbot: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbot: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbot: Well, I don't know.... Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbot: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do want to know? Costello: I have no trouble turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbot: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. Whatta my suppos' to do? Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then- Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off. Abbot: I know, you press the Start button- Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do. Abbot: I did. Costello: When? Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button. Costello: Why should I press the Start button? Abbot: To shut off the computer. Costello: I press Start to stop? Abbot: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer. Costello: I knew it! So what do I press. Abbot: Start. Costello: Start what? Abbot: Start button. Costello: Start button to do what? Abbot: Shut down. Costello: You don't have to get rude! Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant. Costello: Then say what you meant. Abbot: To shut down the computer, press- Costello: Don't say, "Start!" Abbot: Then what do you want me to say? Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button ... even the Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop. Abbot: But that's what you gotta do. Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs and Stop at green lights. Abbot: Don't be ridiculous. Costello: I 'm being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation. Abbot: What are you talking about? Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

Madness Seems Fashionable Now

Moderation's Solely For N00bs Management Sends Final Notice

I'll go with Reg Mechanic, if only for the Inno Setup package--no problem finding the proper unattended switch with this one. Haven't tried most of the others, though.

Enough tomfoolery for now. Here's your reading assignment for the day: http://www.stanford.edu/~scodary/tkam.htm

My Skull Feels Numb

Just enough for now, mostly ripped from personal CDs. Not that it matters...I'm deleting most of them. Upgrade of hard drive means ability to rip at a satisfactory level of quality. So I guess it's <1000 for now.

Terrible accent...and I'm pretty tolerant of that stuff. I like the way our personal trainer stows the...er...workout aid.

An MSFN acronym--I'm surprised the page isn't flooded with entries. Here's a couple of easy ones: Making Something From Nothing My System Fears Nothing Cheers!

Reminds me of the road trip scene from 'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles'--the people driving in the direction of freeway traffic screaming"You're going the wrong way!" "How the hell does he know which way where we're going?" Good times.

@Wolf7448 You're probably hunting for the title. To help us remain on topic, here's the link: http://www.msfn.org/board/index.php?showtopic=63860

I spent a bit of time looking for the way to add a customized title (the one immediately beneath the avatar). It's location may mislead the occasional user into looking for the setting in the wrong location--indeed, I've seen one or two comments indicating so. I'll post the visual here, for the sake of topic relevance: Just go into My Controls>Edit Profile Information. It's right there at the top. Enjoy!

Pity...all dressed up, and nowhere to go.

Heh...We do more before 9:00am than most people do all day!

A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure", said the bartender, and he did. "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." "Certainly." And it was done. "If," said the armless man, "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket, you'll find the money for the beer." The bartender got it. "You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men's room?" "Two blocks north," said the bartender, "at the BP filling station."

Poor guys...I'd fire that forklift driver personally, but I just don't have the heart (if you see it anywhere, hang onto it for me).

I'm getting a 403 page error. Is this clip hosted anywhere accessible to the public?

Santa no longer keeps the list. He was intercepted (presumably by CIA), and renditioned to an undisclosed location in Uzbekistan. He'll remain there indefinitely--North Pole has no diplomatic relations with Washington, and Global Warming will take care of them before the ink can dry on an extradition agreement--until he can prove his identity and get a friendly nation to accept him (Good luck distinguishing him from all the other department store imposters!). Not to worry, though. Patriotic supporters of the War on Terror can expect a little extra something in their stocking this year. Those on the 'naughty' list will get a surprise, as well. Makes a great story, eh? I'll forego the toys this year, just to see the look on the kids' faces...

If I didn't know any better (and apparently I don't), the folks at Google set us up. Thanks for the pointer, undeadsoldier--let me return the favor with some of this. No complaints, please--I'm sending fruitcake to everyone else this year.

That's only because he can freeze a lightsaber by staring it down. He also wrote the code for the martial arts training program in The Matrix--among the moves he left out was the devastating roundhouse kick. Neo would be a fool to go up against Chuck Norris. Good thing you excluded him from your poll, Zxian.

These aren't the droids we are looking for...you can go about your business. All right, move along! As I was saying, Neo would definitely clean up--no contest. Obi-Wan wouldn't know what hit him.

Save yourself a few seconds by clicking "I'm Feeling Lucky". I enjoyed the article--to bad the spoiler warning forces you to scroll down to view the banner. Would have enhanced the dramatic appeal to have it prominently displayed near the top of the page.