The MSFN café - A Penny for Your Thoughts

[UCyborg]

On 5/17/2022 at 12:47 AM, XPerceniol said:

Hope everyone is enjoying this week.

I took the rest of the week off work...and I'm already up since 5:30 due to my biology being so used to get up earlier...bleh, this is actually more than a hour before the usual alarm. School was a lot better in that regard, a week off every season and the longer 2-month holiday. Now it's like the same subject over and over again, all for that damn piece of paper.

I've been asked in the past why I don't buy a new car or a computer since I can afford it. All this obsession with materialistic crap people have beyond the necessities (and maybe a thing there and there) is meaningless to me. The computer still boots and executes code without errors and the car is still drivable.

I don't see myself changing in that regard even If I won the lottery. I'd move somewhere quieter, away from other people's bul*****, get back to pursuing my interests I left behind since employment, maybe discover something new along the way, live a slow-paced quiet life.

5 hours ago, XPerceniol said:

More than likely, I'll be staying in this forum (mainly this thread) or such threads that are general discussion in nature going forward here. I don't want to be a hindrance rather than help or promote derailing of threads when this is a tech forum.

It seems I don't gravitate towards tech threads as much anymore. If anything, I feel more disconnected from the IT as the time goes on. Few days ago, I wanted to check something with my work TeamViewer account. Couldn't login with a Firefox version released in January 2022 (JS syntax error).

And the technical side of this forum, well honestly, compared to other places, I feel the only thing different here is the ideology. Old OS, extended kernels and other such hacks don't really fly with me. So I guess it's pretty lonely and alienating no matter where I go.

[XPerceniol]

10 hours ago, UCyborg said:

All this obsession with materialistic crap people have beyond the necessities (and maybe a thing there and there) is meaningless to me.

Yes, yes, yes ... EXACTLY  all the "Bling" money can buy is not the answer to solace. Anything beyond necessities won't complete you if you are looking outside of yourself. If you are complete, anything you buy and acquire is addition to and you then 'Sport" your possessions rather than "Rely" on them. I hope that made sense. I try. 

10 hours ago, UCyborg said:

I don't see myself changing in that regard even If I won the lottery. I'd move somewhere quieter, away from other people's bul*****, get back to pursuing my interests I left behind since employment, maybe discover something new along the way, live a slow-paced quiet life.

Again, yeeees ... I always picture myself in a little hut near the ocean (see, I really do feel a connection to water and I LOVE fish) no alarm clock and feel just to quiet serene existence to wake me up. Please make no mistake, I'm not saying this is the same as avoidance or isolation - I don't see it that way - I (personally) struggle with this, but when I'm on my couch on the computer or watching a DVD (I'm soooo enjoying Heat Al Pacino and Robert De Niro is PURE MAGIC) I don't feel imprisoned in any way. Remove the (mental) bars and guess what, you see. That changes the picture.

10 hours ago, UCyborg said:

So I guess it's pretty lonely and alienating no matter where I go.

I will be totally honest and truthfully. Know what, I have nowhere to go (who would even take me [mister blobfish] anyway ... my awful writing style would give me away in a New York minute) so I just stay here and have left behind all of my mental health forums (only was on 2 anyway) and now I feel the void, but it has to be that way I've decided for my well being. Sometimes they help, often times they make things worse, and the trolls are in full speed sadly on those forums without moderation. I'd be cautious about joining those type of forums. Best to stay in tech forums and utilize the lounge sub-forums or our café or other off-topic to chat about anything. 

But, yeah, I feel I get it. I understand the loneliness. Sorry will write more if it comes to me as the strong coffee isn't cutting through my brain fog today. 11AM ... ugh. No worries, just what it is. 

I think people here value your input and advice and I appreciate that you stop by so visit me here

Hope you enjoy the rest of your week. 

TC

EDIT: Please understand, I'll be editing this posting for the next 10 minutes until I get where I want it. Thank you again. Well, that is as good as I can do as the strong coffee didn't quite cut through he brain fog. 11:30AM ... ugh ... still in sweat pants.

 

Edited May 18, 2022 by XPerceniol

[NotHereToPlayGames]

9 hours ago, UCyborg said:

extended kernels and other such hacks don't really fly with me

Agreed!  I even boycott "POS" updates - I've witnessed them BREAK too many things (but I didn't document the breaks, I just uninstalled the "POS" and everything returned to functional).

My daily driver remains XP x64 - but since I have ZERO use for "Windows Updates", there really isn't much "here" for me.  But I still call it home  

[NotHereToPlayGames]

32 minutes ago, XPerceniol said:

I'll be editing this posting for the next 10 minutes until I get where I want it.

[XPerceniol]

1 hour ago, NotHereToPlayGames said:

.. there really isn't much "here" for me.  But I still call it home  

This is also my home and sanctuary right now, as well. There are no accidents and we found our way here for a reason.

Yeah, 10 minutes, try 20 minutes to edit (11 Edits on that posting ) to fix all my mistakes and still.

Edited May 18, 2022 by XPerceniol

[XPerceniol]

Hypnotized - Mesmerized - Paralyzed:

Hmmm ... the latter should not be the result of the previous. 

Will have to give that more thought another time. 

~~Attention~~

Good afternoon everyone ... the café will be closed for 1 hour for new renovations. 

Just happened:

One contractor broke a window during the nearly complete renovation - He turned to me and said it's no problem - at this stage, it's just a pane.

 

 

 

[XPerceniol]

So..

All too easy - very hard sometimes to "process' what our eyes have seen, or what we have heard, or felt/experienced. Sometimes I feel soo lost and 15 years went by (almost a decade of alcoholism with little to no recollection, we some very bad memories I guess, but could've been worse as I don't drive) - just stuck and wish I could go back a redo (not good or healthy) because we can't go back its gone and all we can do it to make right what we can, and try to 'accept' the fallout of our decisions and learn to not continue the cycle. In some way(s) I've grown, and in other way I feel I've regressed.

Anyways, I think people are quite done listening to my noise between my ears and that last thing anybody want is to enter a café to get advice from a bum. Ahhh .. well, embrace the solitude, I say, take ownership and just keep swimming. When life is all said and done, we are (all) just a ripple in the tide, and unless family to carry on legacy, we owe it to ourselves to not allow others prevent you from stealing your wonder and dreams ... put out into the universe (yes, I know, I've just lost about anybody still giving me the 'time of day' ... sighs) as we (YOU) create your own destiny. But, not too far, as destiny is one moment in time and that moment is unknown, but that is where it starts.

Ok .. Mister Blowhard Blobfish is (finally) done; well for now anyway. Hahaha

GOOD NEWS - UPDATE:

The café is back open and people are welcome. We have waved the entrance cover charge of 1 penny and the door bouncers have been let go so no more frisking at the door.

We were going to remove the mirrors in main lobby - however they've been asked wait to give us time to reflect...

In all seriousness (silliness, perhaps), I don't actually feel comfortable posting in the main forums any-longer, and for that matter, anywhere else on the web as my time could very well be up. I don't feel helpful to others and I don't fit in anywhere. That being said: I am very proud to be a misfit and here I raise my glad to all misfits in the world. Keep being you and only change what you want for you, not others.

See, I just can't stop. We'll see as over the next few months I have to ask myself ( I always talk to myself, oh don't be so shocked) what I am in need of, and what I do know, is, staying tied to online forums is a detriment to my well-being as I need to be outside, not around people (people these days are toxic and unapproachable, to me) and I wont give up on the beauty of this world, because that is giving up on myself, something which I"ll never do. I must always be there for myself rather than expect others to come to the rescue, as life has taught me that when 'times get rough' people 'hit the road' and run like with wind in the other direction.

On that note, I'll have to post this and correct afterwards, you see, I've allowed MSFN to see inside me and the real me (genuine) I post raw as it comes and that is not without (many) errors. The grammar police have already shown up to the door on my trailer several times, for they realize, better to give up as you can't put handcuffs on someone with only gills.

I'm surprised the staff (here) has tolerated me for this long as 98% of my postings have been pure insanity .. in my opinion, sanity is overrated anyway. This world is nuts!

Hope everyone is doing well and no need to reply.

 

 

Edited May 19, 2022 by XPerceniol

[XPerceniol]

OMG ... I so can't type today, error after error and can't possible edit. Can't even think atm really. Ugh, sorry everyone. Wish I could say its 'one of those days' but that would ever practically every day for me :(

[xpw10]

On 5/18/2022 at 4:16 PM, XPerceniol said:

Again, yeeees ... I always picture myself in a little hut near the ocean (see, I really do feel a connection to water and I LOVE fish) no alarm clock and feel just to quiet serene existence to wake me up.

I love fish too ... salmon and tuna hmmm ... yum yum

[xpw10]

 

REAL SURVEY on Marriage and Romance   

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. - Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 6

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 9

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.

[XPerceniol]

4 hours ago, xpw10 said:

I love fish too ... salmon and tuna hmmm ... yum yum

[UCyborg]

Those last 3 days went by quickly. I feel noticeably better, but won't be for long as I return to the office soon.

On 5/18/2022 at 5:16 PM, XPerceniol said:

I will be totally honest and truthfully. Know what, I have nowhere to go (who would even take me [mister blobfish] anyway ... my awful writing style would give me away in a New York minute) so I just stay here and have left behind all of my mental health forums (only was on 2 anyway) and now I feel the void, but it has to be that way I've decided for my well being. Sometimes they help, often times they make things worse, and the trolls are in full speed sadly on those forums without moderation. I'd be cautious about joining those type of forums. Best to stay in tech forums and utilize the lounge sub-forums or our café or other off-topic to chat about anything.

I've never hung on any mental health forum, maybe came across few topics when was self-diagnosing several years ago. Am I a schizoid? Do I have avoidant personality order? I came across those and few other terms. The only conclusion I came to, which wasn't really a conclusion, was that I'm just another lost soul, wandering.

I used to lurk at /r/SanctionedSuicide on Reddit. It was the place where wanting to die wasn't stigmatized. People came there to vent, to say goodbye, to discuss the right to die. That subreddit was eventually banned. It was theorized by some that existence of the subreddit actually actively prevented some suicides as it gave people safe space where they could be heard.

I don't know from experience what Reddit was like at the beginning, but I read conversations where some were saying that the founder of Reddit, who died at some point, would be spinning in his grave, if he knew what Reddit has become. Still, there are still some pockets of sanity there, obviously those subreddits won't be popular.

On 5/18/2022 at 5:16 PM, XPerceniol said:

I think people here value your input and advice and I appreciate that you stop by so visit me here

Thanks, will do, at least when something pops in my head.

On 5/18/2022 at 5:49 PM, XPerceniol said:

On 5/18/2022 at 5:46 PM, NotHereToPlayGames said:

.. there really isn't much "here" for me.  But I still call it home  

This is also my home and sanctuary right now, as well. There are no accidents and we found our way here for a reason.

I said earlier I don't like older OS, that part I didn't really mean, not sure why I said it... I boot too often into older OS, though I don't use them for any special purpose. It's a sort of trip back through time. Regardless of whether old or new, they all have quirks (or certain applications show them when run on particular OS)! Writing this from Vista.

I came to this forum for Big Muscle's Aero Glass, no longer developed and just stayed out of habit. Guess there's some sort of attractive force at work here.

On 5/20/2022 at 1:01 AM, XPerceniol said:

See, I just can't stop. We'll see as over the next few months I have to ask myself ( I always talk to myself, oh don't be so shocked) what I am in need of, and what I do know, is, staying tied to online forums is a detriment to my well-being as I need to be outside, not around people (people these days are toxic and unapproachable, to me) and I wont give up on the beauty of this world, because that is giving up on myself, something which I"ll never do. I must always be there for myself rather than expect others to come to the rescue, as life has taught me that when 'times get rough' people 'hit the road' and run like with wind in the other direction.

My mother sometimes does self-talks as well!

We've been talking recently, she says we'd (our family members) all need something in life to look forward to and that being isolated between 4 walls doesn't do us any good. One thing about my mother, in the past, she was usually right about the things she said. I agree it's important to be there for yourself.

Ugh, I wanted to write more about it, but just can't put it together. And it's 4:20 in the morning...should really get some sleep. Until next time...

[XPerceniol]

On 5/20/2022 at 9:28 PM, UCyborg said:

My mother sometimes does self-talks as well!

We've been talking recently, she says we'd (our family members) all need something in life to look forward to and that being isolated between 4 walls doesn't do us any good. One thing about my mother, in the past, she was usually right about the things she said. I agree it's important to be there for yourself.

Ugh, I wanted to write more about it, but just can't put it together. And it's 4:20 in the morning...should really get some sleep. Until next time...

Thanks so much for your reply, means a lot to know your thoughts and I will reply in better detail when I'm in better state of mind myself.

Yeah, be cautious with self-talk, sometimes when by ourselves, we can get into negative self-talk cycle, its extremely dangerous to spirit and abruptly halt all self talking in that instance (when our minds agree with the negative intrusive thoughts that tell us there is no other option than Suicide) and use only distractions when this occurs, please. Sometimes we recognize (or fail to) until we're too far down the 'rabbit hole' and can be scary as other in the same mind space can add to the problem, so sometimes seeking advice from others felling hopeless leads to everyone feeding off of each other (seen it happen countless times). Hopefully your mother finds this time beneficial rather than hindrance, most times I need to answer my own questions even though I've been in therapy mostly all my life.

Yes, sleep (quality sleep) - oh so allusive sometimes - very important.

Here's wishing everyone a nice week going forward :)

[XPerceniol]

On 5/20/2022 at 9:28 PM, UCyborg said:

...One thing about my mother, in the past, she was usually right about the things she said. I agree it's important to be there for yourself.

Overall, my mother use to have some good solid advice and my father as well. Great you can see that. People that harbor ill will towards parents only hurt themselves especially when they are no longer with us, remove the chains. Not saying always deserve forgiveness because I'd rather save that energy towards healing any damage. Hope that made sense.

[XPerceniol]

On 5/20/2022 at 2:24 PM, xpw10 said:

I love fish too ... salmon and tuna hmmm ... yum yum

You mean, mean, cruel, cruel person; you

You would (actually) make a meal out my close relatives: Mister Salmon and Mister Tuna?!?

What did they every do to you ... I'll have to put out a signal that the other fish down here could wind up on ones dinner plate if they're not cautious of those scary nets.

Yeah, suffice it to say, pretty rough here in the states now over the last few days and I"ll admit I've had to halt all self talk myself and abruptly stop it as it turns pretty dark. Nothing makes sense, Nothing. Haven't been able to sleep myself and climbing the walls, too. Hard to now want to reach out, but, if you think about it, we're on our own and need to pick ourselves up. I don't know, sorry guys.

Hope everyone is alright here!