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The MSFN café - A Penny for Your Thoughts


XPerceniol
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Was a bit better today and I got outside again for a short walk, but didn't get too far without wanting to be back inside, so must work on that part of it. Agoraphobia is complex and needs to be address in various ways and there is not 'one size fits all' answer/solution. even retracing or trying to pinpoint where/when it started doesn't help, just need to address the current situation and find new ways around it and to discover new ways.

I'm not making sense, but I'm ok. Inside for the day and somebody is supposed to stop by with some dinner, but I don't know who it as going to be because that stresses me and I worry they have touched the food or contaminated (I'm germ phobic) and I've not ate foods that I was suspect of and am happy with sandwiches I can make. Canned food and microwave foods are loaded with sodium and nitrates (not the good ones) and will kill you quicker than a 'New York Second'

Only a little after 2pm and today is less humid as its been a sweaty summer; looking forward to new season in New England.

https://seasonsyear.com/autumn

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I could sit there by myself and not feel lonely at all. I prefer my own company, actually.

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Can be by yourself (WITH yourself) a not feel lonely or alone, I know I don't, rather in a room with 10 people are feel even more alone and lonely, the worst feeling of all to be around other people and be left out cast aide, I'd much prefer to be around other people if they needed me rather then me needing people, they you become "Needy" and people run like hell when you need them. I've come to learn to only trust myself when 'push comes to shove'. Trust yourself. Trust should be earned.

brb...

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I don't have the answers. I don't know myself what to do at this point. I don't wish to go back in time and I would not do it over again. I know that what I'm told is wrong, I will say that.

Oh well, just oh well, here I am and I AM HERE.

Know that much.

Gonna eat and find something to watch. Tried to watch just a bit of news and I knew I had to switch it off quickly and within 10 seconds my blood boiled. Anger turns to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that turns to inaction and I give it and give up. This is what they want. 

But, Oh well, is what it is, now that much.

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17 hours ago, XPerceniol said:

within 10 seconds my blood boiled. Anger turns to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that turns to inaction and I give it and give up. This is what they want. 

This, over here, looks like you have a badly affected mental health.

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, mina7601 said:

This, over here, looks like you have a badly affected mental health.

Thank you, it means more than some might realize when somebody see's something (you also read between the lines as do I sometimes without realizing it). and, you're are so right with that judgement call. Again, thank you for caring. I will agree, over the last week and this last weekend especially, I've been in a rough spot, and under general circumstances I can handle news (still affected negatively to some degree when they bombard us with everything that is wrong). Sundays have been bad here because starting at 7AM they start making people feel guilty to give up money over a war that we can't control and I donate but maybe $5 a month being on fixed income with little to spare, trouble is they (I know I keep saying "they" and that is paranoia I admit it) but (I feel, anyway) they ...

Sorry, lost thought, will finish a little bit.

Edited by XPerceniol
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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, mina7601 said:

...affected mental health.

When I react to outside influences too strongly, that is a sign I need to catch it and see that as a warning warning sign that I'm losing my own grip and all the professionals in the word can't make a person strong it needs to come within. While I know that I've often said here "easier said than done", I know it but still hits off guard sometimes, hard to explain.

Edited by XPerceniol
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12 hours ago, XPerceniol said:

they bombard us with everything that is wrong

This is called propaganda, exactly...their propaganda 24 hours a day, I am immune.

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3 hours ago, msfntor said:

This is called propaganda, exactly...their propaganda 24 hours a day, I am immune.

So true ... I try to keep it off as some people living in this complex keep it on all day long and get worked up. I hope to build natural immunity to this disease causing media. Thank you guys, I'm a little better, but not quite as coherent as I should be and the paranoia is still lingering. I'm hanging in there. Hope you guys are well.  

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I've been watching Johnny Carson Classics and I can fall asleep to that, not that I found him boring, but soothing. I miss him and Jay Leno. I'm usually not up late enough to watch the late night shows anymore.

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4 hours ago, XPerceniol said:

So true ... I try to keep it off as some people living in this complex keep it on all day long and get worked up. I hope to build natural immunity to this disease causing media. Thank you guys, I'm a little better, but not quite as coherent as I should be and the paranoia is still lingering. I'm hanging in there. Hope you guys are well.  

"I try to keep it off as some people living in this complex keep it on all day long and get worked up."

- Yeah, I see, sorry for you...ask absolutely to the competent person, that you can't stand this kind of behavior anymore, it's invasion in your private life with all this brouhaha all day long! Ask to use the headphones for those people who spray you with TV-propaganda!

"I hope to build natural immunity to this disease causing media."

- good luck with that! 

Edited by msfntor
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8 hours ago, XPerceniol said:

So true ... I try to keep it off as some people living in this complex keep it on all day long and get worked up. I hope to build natural immunity to this disease causing media. Thank you guys, I'm a little better, but not quite as coherent as I should be and the paranoia is still lingering. I'm hanging in there. Hope you guys are well.  

I'm sorry for you, buddy. I hope you get well soon.

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