piaqt

love the sig

Kelli, remind these llamas why candy is better than sex. Take about early-onset short-term memory loss!

and my dogs, for protection.

There's always New Zealand...

49, to be 50 on May 1st. And this time, chris, I want a real happy b'day from you! btw: you'll get one from me. We cynics have to stick together.

You're learning!

Nice to know someone's taking up the slack.

Yes. When the baby hasn't ben fed in a while, you start it out on pablum.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?" she asks. She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!" BTW: I disappear for a while and **** if y'all don't run out of material.

which font?

Speaking of which... A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty-four." Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" Again, there's a bright flash... and his legs fall off!

No, but I live about ¼ mile from the Hudson river. Same difference.

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said," That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?" "No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.

or to taco bell, or....

Boys and their bulges. (She's ba-ack! Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

Wuss.

Knuckleheads

Just in time for Halloween.

Four Jewish brothers left home for college, became doctors and prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner,they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama. The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffer." The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the Torah and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much." "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes...and the driver is a Nazi. A million thanks." "Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. Thanks anyway." "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken."

Is it any wonder you're my boytoy? FINALLY! Someone with a brain!

Happy Birthday

<img src=topics/virus.jpg align=right>Antivirus scanners can be conned by ZIP files with excessively long names. And the code that makes it possible has been copied and incorporated by seemingly every big-name software company under the sun--not to mention its widespread use in security product update services. This vulnerability was discovered by Mark Tesla and Chad Loder of Rapid7, a security software and consulting company that has created ZIP files that test how well different products deal with the long filenames the ZIP specification allows--and the news isn't encouraging. Source: ZDNet TechUpdate

http://www.instantvoodoo.com/

To which "Holy s***" is an appropriate response.

Why don't sharks bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.