prathapml

A woman brought a very limp parrot into the Veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the Vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said; "I'm so sorry, but Polly has passed away". The distressed owner wailed; "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something?" The Vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador dog. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the Vet with his sad, brown eyes and shook his head. The Vet patted the dog and took it out of the office, but returned a few moments later with a cat! The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The Vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry. But like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100% certifiably, dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "What's this!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."

Hmm, that micro-level of control is not offered by the board software we use. But I COULD suggest the work-around that i use, though. You see that "Fast Reply" button at the bottom of topic? Use that one!

Smilies & tags get inserted at cursor position, in IE6 & Firefox/Mozilla. Which browser are you using, Taggs?

Hi gouki, I'm with you on this I'm with alanoll as well - I guess it gets irritating after seeing lots of signatures violate the rule.... Oh well, I hope you aint sad anymore...

Thanks for the heads-up Zxian!

Is there any software to capture the output of the soundcard? As in, there's some audio coming out, when you're playing a game, or playing songs, or when you're voice-chatting - then it needs to be just captured & saved to WAV/MP3. I searched google and the results were hardly "good" tools. Freeware preferable, but I dont mind paying for it either - one that WORKS. Quick replies needed please.....

Which is already here - http://ryanvm.msfn.org/

These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. --------------------------------------------------- Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. --------------------------------------------------- Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? -------------------------------------------------- Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. --------------------------------------------------- Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. --------------------------------------------------- Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. -------------------------------------------------- Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? --------------------------------------------------- Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? --------------------------------------------------- Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? --------------------------------------------------- Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? --------------------------------------------------- Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? -------------------------------------------------- Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. --------------------------------------------------- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. --------------------------------------------------- Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? --------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: (angry) Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. But he didn’t recognize her at all. She read his expression, assumed she’d made a mistake, and said; “I'm sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and she left the store. The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? She can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then he got a little panicky. He didn’t remember her, but, MAYBE he’d met her during one of the wild parties he used to go to. He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party and had sex with on the pool table in front of everyone?" "No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!"

Sensitive men do exist..My Dad says so. A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. they talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him .... they kiss .... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, and the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. McNick, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. McNick ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. McNick said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: (1) you have a dirty mind, (2) you didn't read your homework, and (3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But, this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp- posts ... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

Norwegian weather Temperatures: +15°C / 59°F This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we'll start here. People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves. The Norwegians are out in the sun, getting a tan. +10°C / 50°F The French are trying in vain to start their central heating. The Norwegians plant flowers in their gardens. +5°C / 41°F Italian cars won't start. The Norwegians are cruising in cabriolets. 0°C / 32°F Distilled water freezes. The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker. -5°C / 23°F People in California almost freeze to death. The Norwegians have their final barbecue before winter. -10°C / 14°F The Brits start the heat in their houses. The Norwegians start using long sleeves. -20°C / -4°F The Aussies flee from Mallorca. The Norwegians end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here. -30°C / -22°F People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth. The Norwegians start drying their laundry indoors. -40°C / -40°F Paris start cracking in the cold. The Norwegians stand in line at the hotdog stands. -50°C / -58°F Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole. The Norwegian army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather. -70°C / -94°F The false Santa moves south. The Norwegian army goes out on winter survival training. -183°C / -297.4°F Microbes in food don't survive. The Norwegian cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold. -273°C / -459.4°F ALL atom-based movement halts. The Norwegians start saying "Faen, it's cold outside today." -300°C / -508°F Hell freezes over, Norway wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

Confessions from a travel agent working with the US Congress: Now you know why our government is in the shape that it is...

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man & worships his creator." - John Bright "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard

"Linux, for people with an IQ above 98" It seems to me people with an above-98 IQ would be able to operate any system. Or am I missing something here.

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief... "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Oh my God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?" :'(

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95. CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

With zonealarm securitysuite, you no more need a separate antivirus as it uses the best AV engine in business. Combined, its the lightest solution. Plus, who really cares about win9x/ME anymore

browser - hell yeah, opera download manager - Reget Deluxe torrents - uTorrent firewall+antivirus+antispyware = ZoneAlarm SecuritySuite Mount virtual ISO images - Microsoft's own virtualCD image editing, viewing - Paint.NET, irfanview game - tuxracer CD writing - CDBurnerXP Pro MSN, Yahoo, AIM, ICQ messengers - Trillian Basic IRC chat - Trillian basic v3.1 PDF viewing - Acrobat Reader 6.03 (with acrobat reader speedup, to cut out all the crap) Lightweight player - Winamp Pro 5.1 plus codecs for real, quicktime, etc, so that all formats WILL play in winamp itself - K-Lite mega codec pack every single one of these is the lightest, and despite that, best in its class!

They will hotlink it straight back to your image address itself, instead of uploading elsewhere. You better say so, if they aren't supposed to steal from your uni's server!

I believe you're missing the point of what gamehead200 had said. You're missing the point actually.As Zxian said, its for those situations like he illustrated. NOBODY needs to be stuck in there all day. Someone posts on the forum having a trial-and-error kinda problem, and someone decides that he knows to solve it & has the time to chat currently, replies to him on the forum, asking him to spontaneously come to the chatroom. As simple as that. Or, groups of people (or members who got to know each other over the forum) from corners of the globe & possibly not running the same messenger service, can decide to meet at a pre-determined time, in the chatroom. Etc etc...

Hehe, i sure would like that. The price is not very affordable though!

Thats one great movie