“Be mindful. Be grateful. Be positive. Be true. Be kind.”

[XPerceniol]

5 hours ago, xrobwx said:

If you don't mind my asking

Don't mind at all

5 hours ago, xrobwx said:

 or rather not say, I understand.

Thank you, I don't mind but the posting you were referring to was when I was on different medicine and now that changed. They change and I'm now on a lot (over-medicated) and hope to come off of some of it to tell you the truth.

5 hours ago, xrobwx said:

I don't have depression but I do have Agoraphobia and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I've lived with it for 20+ years.

Good to hear you don't have depression but I also have Agoraphobia and GAD ... medication doesn't help too much and we learn to live with it and take the good with the (mostly) bad and accept that there is noting wrong with being indoors, so long as its not debilitating; and that is where we run into trouble when we FEAR leaving the house. I've come a long way using radical acceptance and I now don't see it as I'm trapped as I love being inside with my plant, but I do get it and try to get out for even short spots and take it slow. How are you doing now with the Agoraphobia, Rob?

5 hours ago, xrobwx said:

I have found coping mechanisms and meds (I've been on them all) that help.

That's great to hear, bud, I hope they continue to help you will and you will (you will) learn to cope in healthy ways going forward with this awful disorder.

5 hours ago, xrobwx said:

 In the past, I used alcohol as a self med but that was a complete disaster.

Been to hell and back with that, as well, and I drank 10 years away and yes, complete disaster too.

I was originally going to abandon this thread because a member felt threatened in here but I decided to return to it for you - I'll be here (should be) so if you should need any advice (you already know what you're doing) feel free to hit me up and I'll do my best.

Kind Regards

Edited January 1, 2024 by XPerceniol

[xrobwx71]

Your avatar is interesting. It depicts exactly how I feel in a large crowd. Trapped in my small space in a sea (of people) with no way out. 

My adrenalin dumps. My senses are enhanced (to my detriment). I can smell everything and I mean everything, I can hear every conversation. Heart rate speeds up, and sometimes chest pains which dumps more adrenalin. Too bad I'm not an adrenalin junkie, I'd be in bliss.

 

 

[XPerceniol]

Hi there..

Just read your posting and will reply when I can after a cup of coffee. Thank you for opening up to us here. Lots to say about senses.

I usually select avatars that depict a man in solitude. I prefer it that way and I try to put out there that its OK to be alone *with* yourself rather than by yourself. I quite enjoy water especially running water and I find it healing. I could be on that boat or near the see as on the XP forum and not feel lonely. I prefer and enjoy and appreciate my own company. You can too but whilst I promote this, I do understand that we are social creatures and I understand being around people is important - small doses and spurts for me.

https://www.yogajournal.com/meditation/water-meditation-releasing-stress/

Yikes though..

Quote

Trapped in my small space in a sea (of people) with no way out.

That not a good feeling and I do know that feeling all too well myself. I used to hang in crowds until I realized that I don't much care for people anymore a part of that reason is this very thing - and that is the worst way to feel "Trapped". We should try to figure out why this happens to you. Me, I didn't like that feeling ( in crowds ) and and I find solace in my solitude with my plants. I don't want to pressure you to into delving too far into the mind because sometimes we ( I know I do ) have a hard time finding my way back and whilst its important to ground yourself because life is about the 'here and now' and wherever you go; there you are ... its (also) so very important to let go of the past (easier said than done, I know) and go with the flow with the tide but we must try to be mindful not to let a moment go by and not be present at all times <- This I struggle with myself. Perhaps we should work on find a way out even if you need to politely excuse yourself when in crowds for your sake and your well being. People might understand and even excusing yourself to go to the bathroom (I find) can be a quick escape. Also, perhaps, we could re-frame 'trapped with no way out' with small moments to escape.  

1 hour ago, xrobwx said:

My senses are enhanced (to my detriment). I can smell everything and I mean everything, I can hear every conversation. Heart rate speeds up

Ah yes, Hyper-vigilance

https://www.healthline.com/health/hypervigilance

That can be helpful as much like dogs we rely on our senses to avoid danger so whilst you should listen to those senses, sometimes this is anxiety that isn't calibrated well - anxiety can serve us well as also OCD [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder] can serve us well I just hate that that is seen as a disorder. I've been practicing the 1,2,3,4,5 grounding techniques to bring myself back during times of extreme anxiety. Unfortunately I require medication but I don't promote it, rather I'd like to see you try meditation or prayer. Prayer doesn't always have to be religious (I"m not) and I still pray to the universe for healing and sometimes I find I'm not at all alone in my distress.

1 hour ago, xrobwx said:

and sometimes chest pains which dumps more adrenalin. Too bad I'm not an adrenalin junkie, I'd be in bliss.

Yeah, this is where we can become over stimulated and that https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrenaline is telling the body to run and to act, perhaps try to do something healthy for counteract that adrenaline. You can see how addicts become addicts searching for that rush, but like you, I also don't like it, and I also say, if I enjoyed "rolling" (up and down emotions) ... I'd also be in bliss; but of course, I'm not and its okay because I highly doubt you are a blue pill type and once eyes are open you'd not accept bliss as a state of mind.

I (truly) hope I made some sense here for you. I mean well but I sometimes fail with my words and I don't want to fail you or make you feel worse - I only want to make you feel better with your own company.

Be well and keep writing here if it helps you and I'm ALWAYS here to listen. Just my 2 cents really and I don't profess to know everything or anything. I just exist and try to make the best of it and not take life (this state/level of consciousness) for granted.

Edited January 26, 2024 by XPerceniol

[xrobwx71]

On 1/26/2024 at 9:33 AM, XPerceniol said:

Be well and keep writing here if it helps you and I'm ALWAYS here to listen. Just my 2 cents really and I don't profess to know everything or anything.

The feeling is mutual. 

[legacyfan]

well its been awhile but @mina7601 @XPerceniol @K4sum1 im finally back =) and i feel alot better after my long break from the forums for a year but i am back now and don't plan to leave anytime soon

[mina7601]

7 hours ago, legacyfan said:

well its been awhile but @mina7601 @XPerceniol @K4sum1 im finally back =) and i feel alot better after my long break from the forums for a year but i am back now and don't plan to leave anytime soon

Welcome back, and thanks a lot!

[legacyfan]

 

11 Hours 4K HD Autumn Landscape Scene Fir Relaxation

[XPerceniol]

Welcome back @legacyfan and thank you for the YT Video, really needed today, I've had zero energy all day. This week is off to a rough start, would seem.

[XPerceniol]

Yeah, I don't know, I've returned to walking about a mile every day so I haven't been stuck inside but things don't feel right in public now, people are so wound up tight here politically and its bleeding into everything and I feel bare and vulnerable ... but hope the spring brightens up people moods. I enjoy seeing people walking their dogs. I also enjoy getting a diet coke.

Edited April 8, 2024 by XPerceniol

[XPerceniol]

I don't know, just can't shake this feeling, I see it all the time in other people I meet in public and people just have this blank stare and empty look, I know its not just me, but I am partly to blame so I need to own up to what I know I'm causing in my own misery and accept (radical acceptance) for what I've no control over. I don't know. Think I need to just see what happens after November (get this sinking feeling) and decide whether or not I'll decide to just hide away forever and stay reclusive for the better of this remaining life - I could do it and be OK. Yeah, can't even write without screwing up so today was (yet again) 'one of those days'. Tomorrow is another day. I hope I can overlook what is going on in the world before its too late. Saddened by what I see and I wish I could go back to a time when I was thriving and actually living. I was much MUCH different and I'm not even 1/2 (not even close) to the man I once was. My plants cheer me up and coffee and toast in the morning.

Edited April 10, 2024 by XPerceniol

[XPerceniol]

I don't know, I also think the word was much different only 10 years ago and whilst I may have at the time thought was was doing better that was not good because I was drunk and high all the time. Perhaps, too, when I got clean and sober in 2017 I thought everything would just go back to "Normal" but that expectation didn't occur, rather it was a rude awakening, actually and sometime I question "I got sober for *this*"???

Edited April 10, 2024 by XPerceniol

[XPerceniol]

Think I'm just going to bed early tonight. Can't cope any further. I'll likely meditate for 15 minutes and enjoy a decaf coffee and reflect upon that good things that have occurred and be thankful I am not homeless and I have enough money to purchase diet coke every day. Yet, money is not the cause of my pain oddly enough. Good night.

Edited April 10, 2024 by XPerceniol

[xrobwx71]

16 hours ago, XPerceniol said:

actually and sometime I question "I got sober for *this

I'm in my 13th year of sobriety and this occurs to me all the time. I can guarantee myself though, through vivid memory that being drunk (for me) is much much worse. The demons inside that we hide come out when I drink. 

[XPerceniol]

2 hours ago, xrobwx71 said:

I'm in my 13th year of sobriety and this occurs to me all the time. I can guarantee myself though, through vivid memory that being drunk (for me) is much much worse. The demons inside that we hide come out when I drink. 

Thank you, Rob.

Oh yeah, I'm a teetotal for life now too, not even a drop because I don't think I could stop at even a drop. Yeah, the vivid memories are there for me too and the days waking up in bed with my own p***, those were not good days or the best of me. Whatever awaits me (I haven't a clue) I'll just deal with it sober and only on the meds my doctor prescribes now. 

[xrobwx71]

Don't ever let anyone tell you are weak. Don't ever let anyone tell you to stop the meds. (regarding stopping meds-except your physician) 

We grow stronger as we fight. The fight itself is hard but nothing worth doing is ever easy.