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i found this yesterday and thought on posting it...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Lassparri:  "They threw an apple at me!"

Groucho: "Well, watermelons are out of season."

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Can't remember where i got these, but

One Liners

1) Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
2) We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
3) I'm not a complete id***, some parts are missing!
4) He who laughs last thinks slowest!
5) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
6) Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
7) Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now
8) Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
9) Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be
10) I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
*11) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
*12) I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
13) I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather,
not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
14) Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
15) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
16) When there's a will, I want to be in it.
17) Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
18) Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
*19) I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
20) All generalizations are false, including this one.
21) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
22) "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
23) "90% of all statistics are made up"
24) "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change
the subject."
25) "Every time I've built character, I've regretted it."
26) "Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to
commit suicide?"
*27) "If the shoe fits, buy it." Imelda Marcos
28) "It is not the fall that kills you. it's the sudden stop at
the end.
29) "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
*30) "Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and
remove all doubt."
31) .... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant
32) A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces.
33) A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
*34) A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from
enjoying it.
35) A day not wasted is a day wasted!
36) A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
37) A dirty book is rarely dusty.
*38) A friend in need is a pest indeed...
39) A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
40) A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.
41) A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
42) All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power
*43) Alone: In bad company.
*44) Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
45) Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
46) An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
47) Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
48) Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
49) As I said before, I never repeat myself.
50) As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
51) Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing.
52) Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies.
53) Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
*54) Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
55) Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
56) Constant change is here to stay.
57) Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'502.Do fish get
58) Do steam rollers really roll steam?
*59) Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become
the expected?
*60) Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
61) Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the
metric system.
62) Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it?
63) Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid
64) Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
*65) Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
66) Floggings will continue until morale improves.
*67) Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
*68) Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
69) Friendship is one soul in two bodies.
70) Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
71) Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.
72) Grow your own dope... plant a man.
*73) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!
74) Gun control is being able to hit your target!
75) Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!
76) Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
77) How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!
*78) How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
79) How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
80) I Still miss my ex-wife.....BUT, My aim is improving!
81) I bet you I could stop gambling.
82) I can resist anything but temptation.
83) I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
84) I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once.
85) haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
*86) I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
*87) I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
*88) I like to leave messages BEFORE the beep.
89) I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
*90) I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person!
91) I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off....
*92) I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it.
93) I'll tell you what's the matter! This parrot is dead!
94) I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
95) I'm Serfectly Pober.
*96) I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
97) I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate.
98) I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
*99) I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
100) I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
101) I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
102) I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact.
*103) I'm in shape ... Round's a shape isn't it?
104) I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
105) I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met...
106) I'm not as dumb as you look.
*107) I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.
108) I'm not dead. I'm electroencephalographically challenged.
109) I'm not even going to ignore that.
110) I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate.
111) I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
112) I'm not lost, I'm "positonally challenged."
113) I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.
114) I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right!
115) I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
116) I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things.
117) I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
118) I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me!
119) I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
120) I'm on the crest of a slump.
121) I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead!
122) I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam.
123) I'm schizophrenic, What are you?
124) I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
125) I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
*126) I'm the person your mother warned you about.
127) I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head.
128) I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
*129) I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine.
130) I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
131) I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
*132) I've had fun before. This isn't it.
133) I've seen the future. I can't afford it.
134) IBM: I've Been Misled
135) IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive.
136) IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more
137) IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END
138) INTERLACE: To tie two boots together.
139) Ideas are not responsible for their followers!
140) If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs...
141) If I can't fix it, it's probably dead.
142) If I can't win, I don't wanna play!
*143) If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
*144) If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
145) If I save time, when do I get it back ?
*146) If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
147) If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
148) If I were two faced, would I wear this one?
*149) If I were you, who'd be me?
150) If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
151) If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
152) If all goes well, you've overlooked something!
153) If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
154) If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
*155) If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0!
156) If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment.
*157) If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.
*158) If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
159) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
*160) If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
161) If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose!
*162) If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
163) If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
*164) If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
165) If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
166) If it glows don't touch it!
*167) If it has feelings, its not cooked enough!
168) If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
169) If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing.
170) If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO !!
*171) If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
172) If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it.
173) If it's not going by the plan, maybe there never was a plan.
*174) If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
175) If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing.
176) If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid
177) If it's too loud, you're too old.
178) If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
179) If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
180) If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
*181) If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
182) If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
*183) If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
184) If speed scares you, try Windows...
185) If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth.
186) If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
187) If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
188) If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
189) If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
*190) If winning isn't important then why keep score?
191) If you associate with the wise, you will become wise.
192) If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
*193) If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
194) If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
*195) If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
*196) If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
197) If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
*198) If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
*199) If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
200) If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
201) If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
*202) If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo!
203) If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
204) If you say nothing, no one will repeat it.
205) If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT!
*206) If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
*207) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
208) If you want your name spelt wrong, die.
209) If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance.
210) If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
*211) If you're not the solution, you're the precipitate.
212) If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush..
213) If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it!
*214) Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines!
215) Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever.
*216) Illiterate? Write for free help.
217) Imagery is all In the mind.
*218) Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
219) Impropriety is the soul of wit.
220) In God we trust, all others pay cash.
221) In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
222) In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death
223) In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
224) In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
225) In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
226) In war there is no substitute for victory.
*227) Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
228) Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
229) Individualists of the world, UNITE!
230) Inertia makes the world go round.
231) Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
232) Innovate or Die.
*233) Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
234) Insanity is just a state of mind.
235) Interchangeable parts won't.
236) Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge.
237) Interstellar Matter is a Gas
*238) Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it.
239) Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
240) Is "tired old cliche" one?
241) Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse?
*242) Is it in my head...or in my heart?
243) Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
244) Is it possible to feel gruntled?
245) Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
246) Is this the right room for an argument?
247) It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog.
*248) It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES!
249) It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men.
250) It is bad luck to be superstitious.
*251) It is better to be brief than boring.
252) It is better to wear out than to rust out.
253) It is broke. It will not work. It does not go.
*254) It is fatal to live too long.
255) It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
*256) It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
257) It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
*258) It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
259) It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time.
260) It really bothers me when people cut me o...
*261) It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
*262) It works better if you plug it in.
263) It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.
264) It's a fine line between fishing & standing still.
265) It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay
266) It's a tough job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.
267) It's an ill wind that gathers no moss.
268) It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
269) It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
270) It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
271) It's best to leave quickly when you make noises like
*272) It's better to burn out than to fade away.
273) It's clever, but is it art?
274) It's De ja Vu all over again...
275) It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
*276) It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
277) It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue!
*278) It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.
279) It's hard to be serious when you're naked.
280) It's life Jim, but not as we know it.
281) It's like Deja Vu all over again...
282) It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
283) It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager!
284) It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
285) It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere!
286) It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession!
287) It's not pretty being easy.
*288) It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
*289) It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
290) It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money
*291) It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it?
292) It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby ...
*293) It's only ones and zeros.
294) It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim.
295) It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose.
296) It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC !
*297) Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different.
*298) Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters!
299) JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head!
300) James Bond rules. 00K.
301) Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
302) Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow!
303) Join the Group Mind - become a Borg
304) Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
305) Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron.
306) Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep.
307) Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse.
308) Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get
309) Just do it.
310) Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here,
311) Just my 78,000 lira worth.
312) Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
*313) Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster
314) Justice is incidental to law and order.
315) Justice: A decision in your favor.
*316) Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply.
317) Keep America beautiful.. properly dispose of your lawyer.
318) Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb.
319) Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
*320) Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue
321) Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.
322) Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging!
*323) Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out.
324) Killer Rabbit's Motto: "Lettuce Prey."
325) Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
326) Kleptomania: take something for it.
327) Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions!
328) Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
329) LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
331) LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer.
332) Laddie, ya think ya might like ta ... rephrase that?
333) Land of the Single Entendre...
334) Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
335) Laugh and the world thinks you're an id***.
336) Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
*337) Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
338) Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal.
339) Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it!
340) Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
341) Let's split up, we can do more damage that way.
342) Liberal - a power worshiper without power.
343) Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
*344) Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
345) Life can be great if you live it to the fullest!
346) Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime
347) Life is a series of very rude awakenings.
*348) Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle.
349) Life is only as long as you live it.
350) Life is serious, but ART is fun!
351) Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid.
352) Life is uncertain...eat dessert first!
353) Life sucks, but Death swallows!
*354) Life would be easier if I had the source code.
355) Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
356) Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
357) Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
358) Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
359) Likes and dislikes are among my favorites
360) Linux, the choice of a GNU generation.
361) Liposuction will destroy your FAT.
362) Live before you die.
*363) Living poor is best left to those with no money.
364) Locked coat hanger in car. Good thing I had a key.
365) Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
*366) Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
367) M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers.
368) MOPAR = Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly!
369) MS Windows -- From the people who brought you EDLIN!
370) MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence.
371) Macho does not prove Mucho.
372) Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.
373) Make Headlines. use a corduroy pillow....
374) Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
375) Make it do ... Or do without.
376) Make like a Tom and Cruise.
377) Make like a baby and head out.
378) Make like a banana and split.
379) Make like a drum and beat it!
380) Make like a tree and leave.
381) Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
*382) Make up a language and ask people for directions.
*383) Man has his will. Woman has her won't!
384) Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain.
385) Man who gets hit by a car, gets that run down feeling.
386) Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
387) Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
388) Man who run behind car get exhausted.
389) Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon.
390) Marching to a different kettle of fish.
*391) Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.
*392) Math is the language God used to write the universe.
393) May I please be excused? My Brain is full.
394) May the Porsche be with you.
395) May you live in interesting times.
396) May your life be filled with experiences.
397) Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud.
398) Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity.
399) Meditation is not what you think.
400) Meet the new Boss--same as the old Boss...
401) Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
402) Memory is a thing we forget with.
403) Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
404) Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
405) Microfiche: Sardines.
*406) Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support.
*407) Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the whole
408) Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties.
409) Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
410) Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
411) Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting!
*412) Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
413) Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
414) Money is the root of all wealth.
415) Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
416) Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition.
417) Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
418) Mother is the invention of necessity.
*419) Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
420) Multitasking causes schizophrenia..
421) Murphy is out there... waiting...
422) Murphy was an optimist.
423) Murphy's law needs to be repealed.
424) Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened.
425) My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me.
426) My attention isn't hard to get. It IS hard to keep...
427) My computer has a terminal illness
428) My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier
429) My couch potato routine honed to perfection
430) My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
431) My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
432) My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to!
433) My haystack had no needle!
434) My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall!
435) My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
*436) My karma ran over your dogma.
437) My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring.
438) My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4!
439) My other computer is a HAL 9000.
440) My other computer is an abacus.
441) My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...
442) My reality check just bounced.
443) My weight is perfect for my height... which varies.
444) NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself
445) NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
446) NEWS! Drunk gets nine months in violin case.
447) NEWS! Iraqi head seeks arms.
448) NEWS! Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
449) NEWS! Stolen painting found by tree.
450) NEWS! Survivor of siamese twins joins parents.
451) NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company!
452) NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer.
453) Naaah, real men don't read docs.
454) Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man.
455) Neil Armstrong tripped.
456) Neither rain, nor snow, nor l?ne n*oi*se
457) Neurotic: Self-taut person.
458) Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested.
*459) Never assume. It makes an "a**" out of "u" and "me".
460) Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
461) Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
*462) Never eat anything bigger than your head.
463) Never eat more than you can lift.
464) Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
465) Never go with the odds.
*466) Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
467) Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
468) Never mind the facts - I know what I know.
469) Never say, "Oops!"; always say, "Ah, interesting!"
470) Never test for an error you don't know how to handle.
*471) Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers
*472) Never trust a skinny cook.
*473) Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
474) Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
475) New Highway gets Railroaded.
476) Nihilism should commence with oneself.
477) Ninety per cent of everything is crap.
478) Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life!
*479) Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.
480) No .sig is a good .sig
481) No free lunch in an ecosystem.
482) No one ever said "If I'd only spent more time in the
483) No radio. Already stolen.
484) No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
485) No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard.
486) No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space.
487) Nobody roots for Goliath.
488) Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
489) Nodding the head does not row the boat.
*490) None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in.
491) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
492) Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie.
493) Not many people realize just how well known I am.
494) Not now, John, we gotta get on with the game show...
495) Not quite human any longer.
*496) Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
497) Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
*498) Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
499) Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
500) Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.
501) Nothing recedes like success.
502) Nothing succeeds like excess.
503) Now entering Iowa. Please set your clocks back 20 years.
504) Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
505) Now is not a good time to annoy me.
506) Now is the time for all good men to come to.
507) Now that I've given up hope I feel much better...
508) Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?
509) Oysters come and walk with us, the Walrus did beseech.
510) OK Scotty, detonate and energize NOW! No, wait, I
*511) OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric.
*512) OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
513) OS/2 - Not just another pretty program loader!
514) OS/2 - Windows with bullet-proof glass.
515) OS/2 - Taking the wind out of Windows.
516) OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
517) OS/2 is not about fixing old Windows, but opening new
*518) OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!
519) Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: "Use the FORKS, Luke!"
*520) Objection, your Honor! My client is an id***!
521) Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
522) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
*523) Of course I'm running Windows[kVxB NO CARRIER ...
524) Oh no, not another learning experience!
525) Oh, Bullwinkle, that trick NEVER works!
526) Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going?
*527) Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC
528) Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
529) Old age is better than the alternative.
530) On a clear disk you can seek forever.
531) On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.
532) On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts.
*533) One good turn gets most of the blanket.
534) One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines.
535) One man's windows are another man's walls...
*536) One man's upload is another man's download
537) One night I came home very late. It was the next night.
538) One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day.
539) One way to better your lot is to do a lot better...
540) One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
541) Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip...
*542) Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.
543) Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
544) Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully.
545) Optimization hinders evolution.
*546) Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
547) Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
*548) Our necessities are few but our wants are endless...
549) Out here in the fields...I fight for my meals...!
550) Out of Memory!? But I fed you 6 Megs this morning!
*551) Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
552) Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees!
553) Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
554) .Oxymoron - Definite possibility.
555) Oxymoron - Military Intelligence.
556) Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire.
557) Oxymoron: Soviet Union.
558) PC! Politically Correct (or) Pure Crap!
559) PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks.
560) PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs
561) PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore.
*562) Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
563) Palindrome isn't one.
564) Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours!
565) Paranoia is heightened awareness.
566) Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
567) Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload.
568) Pascal: What's it Wirth?
569) Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
570) Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT!
571) Pay your electric bill in pennies.
572) Peace through superior firepower.
573) People are always available for work in the past tense.
574) People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
575) People who live in glass houses shouldn't!
576) People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
577) Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea."
578) Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
*579) Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square!
*580) Pizza IS the four food groups!
581) Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
582) Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully.
583) Plankton lobbyist: "NUKE THE WHALES!"
584) Plasma is another matter.
585) Please Tell Me if you Don't Get This Message
*586) Please call the windows police. I've caught another gpf.
*587) Please don't drink and post.
*588) Please don't take my sunshine away.
*589) Pobody's Nerfect!
590) Poets go from bad to verse.
*591) Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
592) Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
593) Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia.
594) Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
595) Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
596) Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
597) Pound forehead on keyboard to continue.
*598) Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
599) Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
600) Predestination was doomed from the start.
601) Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril!
602) Prejudice is the reason of fools. - Voltaire.
*603) Preserve wildlife... pickle a rat.
604) Press -- to continue...
*605) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
*606) Press any key...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!!
607) Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.
608) Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.
*609) Program too small to fit into memory.
610) Programming is an art form that fights back.
611) Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
*612) Prosecutors will be violated.
613) Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
614) Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
615) Push the limit, and the limit will move away!
*616) Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
617) Put people on hold when possible.
618) Quantum mechanics do it in leaps.
619) Quasimodo is a dead ringer.
620) Question Authority, ask me anything.
621) RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!!
622) Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
623) Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
624) Random order = oxymoron.
*625) Rap music = oxymoron.
626) Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages.
627) Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's.
628) Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.
629) Real men don't set for stun.
630) Real men write self-modifying code.
631) Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons
632) Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
633) Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.
634) Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
635) Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
636) Recursive, adj.; see Recursive.
637) Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned.
*638) Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing.
639) Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car.
640) Refuse Novocain ...Transcend Dental Medication!
641) Remember, If you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home!
642) Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS.
643) Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.
*644) Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)
645) Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush()));
646) Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.
647) Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
648) Road Kill Cafe: You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
649) Romulan warbird decloaking sir... { [2Yaj NO CARRIER.
650) Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens.
651) Round up the usual suspects!
652) Rubber bands have snappy endings!
653) Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home!
*654) S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . .
655) SKUD : Sure Could Use Directions
*656) STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work.
*657) STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!
658) SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else!
*659) SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue...
660) Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
661) Sarcasm: barbed ire.
662) Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
663) Save energy: be apathetic.
664) Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes!
665) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
*666) Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer!
667) Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint.
*668) Schizophrenia beats being alone.
669) Science asks why. I ask why not.
670) Science: Preconception meeting verification.
671) Scientists discover life causes cancer.
672) Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*z~% NO CARRIER...
673) Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable.
674) See how you can be?
675) Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing.
676) Send lawyers, guns, & money...
677) Send more tourists..... the last ones were delicious!
678) Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
679) Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years
680) Set mode=Extremely verbose
681) Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
682) Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home!
*683) Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors!
*684) Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark..
*685) Shoot your program and put it out of its memory!
686) Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol
687) Short people are vertically challenged.
688) Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did!
*689) Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden?
*690) Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you.
691) Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... "Gone Fission"
692) Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit.
693) Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am.
694) Simon says: Don't be so suggestible.
695) Sit down, you're rocking the boat!
696) Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another.
697) Skating away on the thin ice of a new day.
698) Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult?
699) Slug Sautee: A hors of a different d'oeuvre.
700) Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere.
701) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
*702) Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your
703) Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to.
704) Smiley faces were meant to be annoying.
705) Smokey the Bear says, "Strip mining prevents forest fires!"
706) Smoking cures weight problems...eventually.
*707) Smoking is a leading cause of statistics.
708) Smurf exterminator.
709) So many bytes, so few cps.
*710) So many lawyers, so few bullets.
711) So many pedestrians, so little time.
712) So many toys, so little time...
*713) So much time, and so little to do.
714) Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
715) Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
716) Software means never having to say you're finished.
717) Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't.
718) Some People....
719) Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield.
720) Some days, nothing goes left.
721) Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under...
722) Some people are so nice to be nasty to.
*723) Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane.
724) Some things have got to be believed to be seen.
725) Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
726) Something is rotten in the state of confusion.
727) Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
728) Sorry about your Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
*729) Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
*730) Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors.
731) Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope)
*732) Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
733) Space is big. Really big.
*734) Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks.
*735) Spell chequers dew knot work write.
736) Spice is the variety of life.
737) Stamp out philately!
738) Standing there making a sitting target of himself.
739) Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive.
*740) Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer!
741) Sterility is hereditary.
742) Strike any user when ready.
*743) Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
744) 1718.Subvert the dominant paradigm!
745) Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
*746) Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest.
747) Supernovae are a Blast!
748) Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
749) Support the helpless victims of computers.
750) Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
751) Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept.
*752) TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
753) Tact: knowing how far to go too far.
754) Tact: making a point without making an enemy.
*755) Take a bite out of crime .. Abolish the IRS!
*756) Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
757) Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.
758) Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
759) Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target.
760) Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
*761) Thank you very little.
762) That ain't so good English!
*763) That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
764) That that is is not that that is not.
765) That was ZEN -- this is TAO
*766) That'll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!
767) That's inches away from being millimeter perfect.
768) The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid
769) The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX.
770) The French defense isn't...
771) The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry!
772) The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready!
773) The Microsoft Motto: "We're the leaders, wait for us!"
774) The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL...
775) The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain
*776) The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest.
777) The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it.
778) The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings!
779) The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
780) The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
*781) The best defense against logic is stupidity.
*782) The best defense is to stay out of range.
783) The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
784) The best way to keep friends is not to give them away.
*785) The best way to win an argument is to be right.
786) The buck doesn't even slow down here!
*787) The cause of problems are solutions!
788) The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up!
789) The cream rises to the top. So does the scum...
790) The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded.
791) The evidence before the court is...INCONTROVERTIBLE!
792) The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
793) The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts!
794) The further I go, the behinder I get.
795) The game's a little bit wide open again.
796) The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
797) The hangman let us down.
798) The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar.
799) The heart is wiser than the intellect...
*800) The irony of life is that no one gets out alive...
*801) The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
802) The little engineer that could.
803) The longer the title, the less important the job.
804) The man who begins many things finishes few.
805) The margin is very marginal.
806) The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you.
807) The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open.
808) The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on...
809) The next thing to do is hang all the consultants.
810) The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.
811) The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO
812) The pen is mightier than the pencil.
813) The penalty for bigamy is having to mothers-in-law.
814) The pendulum has gone full circle.
815) The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
816) The rich get richer; the poor get babies.
*817) The road to success is always under construction.
818) The score didn't really reflect the outcome.
819) The secret of the universe is~~*#~** FF * NO CARRIER...
820) The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
821) The simple explanation always follows the complex solution.
822) The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.
823) The soul would have no heart had the eyes no tears...
824) The superfluous is very necessary.
825) The unnatural, that too is natural.
826) The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
827) The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
828) The whole world is about three drinks behind.
*829) The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
830) The worst thing about censorship is
*831) The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
832) Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream....
*833) There are two ways to handle women and I know neither.
834) There are many things I could say...
835) There are no atheists in the foxholes.
836) There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
837) There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
838) There is much Obiwan did not tell you.
839) There is no dark side of the moon. Really.
840) There is no finish line.
841) There is no remedy for fun but more fun!
842) There is no vaccine against stupidity.
*843) There is something to be said about me: "Wow!!"
844) There will be no last bus tonight.
845) There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting.
846) There's no future in time travel
847) There's no such thing as a free lunch, but you can always
find someone willing to treat.
848) There's one in every car... You'll see.
849) There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
850) There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide.
*851) Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
852) They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
853) Things are not what they seem.
854) Think "HONK" if you're a telepath.
855) Think hard now! Which one is Shinola?
*856) This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man.
*857) This Country Needs Group Therapy.
858) This ain't no party...this ain't no disco...
859) This door is baroque; please call Bach later.
860) This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall.
861) This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is.
862) This is not a fairing, it's a force field.
863) This is only a test.
864) This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
865) This line intentionally left unjustified.
*866) This message is SHAREWARE! To Register, send $5.
867) This message was typed on recycled phosphorous.
868) This mind intentionally left blank.
869) This program makes me look like a genius.
870) This score just in: OS/2, Windows 0.
*871) This sentence is false.
872) Those who can't write, write manuals.
873) Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
874) Those who live by the nit, die by the nit.
875) Those without heads do not need hats.
876) Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
877) Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM!
878) Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
879) Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana
880) Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
*881) Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
882) Tis better to be a hunter than the hunted.
883) Tis better to have loved a short than to never have loved a
884) Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
885) To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs.
886) To do nothing is also a good remedy.
887) To eat is human, to digest, divine.
888) To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy.
889) To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
890) To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer.
891) To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.
892) To err is human. To moo bovine
893) To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
894) To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
*895) To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die.
896) To live well, know the difference between good and evil.
897) To me personally, it's nothing personal to me.
*898) To shoot a mime, do you use a silencer?
*899) Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
900) Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
*901) Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
*902) Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
903) Todays subliminal message is " ".
904) Tolkien is hobbit-forming.
905) Tongue tied & twisted, just an earthbound misfit I.
*906) Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
907) Too much is never enough.
908) Too much month at the end of the money.
*909) Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
910) Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
911) Touch if you must, pay up if you bust.
*912) Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.
*913) Trees hit cars only in self-defence.
*914) Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
915) Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!
916) trig..a..name...o...tree!!!
917) Truck Pulls: for people who cannot understand the WWF
918) Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer.
919) Truth is just another misconception.
920) Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
*921) Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
922) Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!
923) Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!
924) Turning floppies into hard drives.
*925) Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.
*926) Two heads are more numerous than one.
*927) Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity.
928) Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not.
929) UART what UEAT!
930) UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible.
931) Uh, yeah...I MEANT to do that!
932) Ultimate Question Research Team.
933) Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
934) Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
935) Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.
936) Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.
937) Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
938) Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
939) Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill.
940) Users, losers -- what's the difference?
941) Using yesterday's technology to solve today's problems,
942) VLSI: "Getting High On Low Voltage"
943) Vampires Against Mundane Poetry.
944) Variables won't; constants aren't.
945) Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
946) Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
*947) Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
948) Vote Democratic... It's easier than getting a job.
949) Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here.
950) Vulcans have less fun.
951) Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
952) W.A.R.P.: We Are Real Programmers.
953) WAITER! there's soup in my fly!
954) WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst!
*955) WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons!
956) WINDOWS ERROR #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting.
957) WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??
958) WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved.
959) WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
*960) Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit
961) Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
962) Walls impede my progress.
963) Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!
964) Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.
965) Want a jelly baby?
*966) Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything!
967) Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active.
968) War News: Saddam's army blown away by Thai hookers.
969) Warning: Whimsical when bored
970) Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.
971) Warranty void if tagline removed.
*972) Was today really Necessary?
973) .Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
*974) Wasting time is an important part of living.
975) We all live in a yellow subroutine.
976) We are not a clone.
977) We are the people our parents warned us about.
978) We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom...
979) We have here the latest in primitive technology.
980) We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here.
981) We should limit congressmen to two terms: one in Congress,
one in prison.
982) We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.
983) We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force.
984) We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod.
985) We're lost, but we're making good time.
986) We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
987) Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep.
988) Welcome to Texas, now go home.
989) Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
990) Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes.
*991) What are you doing?!? The message is over, GO AWAY!
992) What can you do for me?
993) What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
994) What could possibly go wrong.
995) What do batteries run on?
996) What do you mean that 2 years have passed??
997) What do you think?
998) What does Santa do at a house with no chimney?
999) What does ignorant mean?
1000) What does this red button do?
1001) What else can you do at 3:00 am?
1002) What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
1003) What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
1004) What goes up has probably been doused with petrol.
*1005) What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
1006) What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture.
*1007) What's another word for 'thesaurus?'
*1008) What's brown and sticky? A stick!
1009) .When 911 won't work .357 will!
1010) When in doubt, think.
1011) When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began
to suspect "Hungry".
*1012) When your opponent is down, kick him.
1013) Where does weight go when you lose it?
1014) Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
1015) Who cares how it plays in Peoria?
1016) Who cares who's on board?
1017) Who glued the cup to the table?
*1018) Who is "they" anyway?
1019) Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein.
*1020) Why am I asking all these things?
1021) Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
*1022) Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!
1023) Why aren't there many Hannukah specials on tv?
1024) Why can't we just spell it orderves?
1025) Why did you read this?
1026) Why do people cry when they're sad?
1027) Why do they tell us to watch "The Today Show" tomorrow?
1028) Why do we elect people and then become afraid of them?
1029) Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left?
1030) Why does it matter if we all put our pants on one leg at a
1031) Why does the beginning of your sentence end up in the middle
of mine?
1032) Why don't ease, lease, and please sound alike?
1033) Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?
1034) Why get even, when you can get odd?
*1035) Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
1036) Why isn't "palindrome" spelled "palindromeemordnilap"?
1037) Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2
1038) Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
*Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.


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i like gamehead, dont worry. someone will be there to encourage you

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haha... **** good find sven :lol:

Windows isn't CrippleWare -- it's "Functionally Challenged".

DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!"

Celibacy is not hereditary.

CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.

Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.

An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.

Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.

ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI!

A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.

A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds...

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

*Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldn't keep still.

"Apple" © Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.

All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.

Agnodyslexic plea: "why ME, dog?"

A friend in need is a pest indeed...

A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.

If I save the whales, where do I keep them?

If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

Follow the link at the bottom of the page that is linked to above (in sven's post), to read 2099 fantastic one-liners.

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I once had a lot of quotes when the BBS rage was on... oh good times!

I still remember some (the 1st was an actual quote of a MS representative during a presentation):

ah... That's not a bug. It's a feature in-progress.

Don't look into laser with remaining eye.

Dreadlocks? No, it's just the antfarm on my head.

A devil fell in a hole. Another devil got him out. The 2nd asked, how in the devil did he fall?

My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship.

AI: a blonde with tinted hair.

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