International Rules of Manhood

[suryad]

International Rules of Manhood

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed

and eaten by his buddies.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of

jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits

forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.

However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask

the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to

climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent

entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're

sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel

..and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies

until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as

much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain

sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,

but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about

his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,

except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.

Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an

almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than

you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if

necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have

carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is

no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about

what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her

to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,

orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"

with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.

Ever

[nil]

10: ...If you trap her head under the covers...

!!!

[Synapse]

rofl its amazing how many of those are true.. even if you've never been told them before... its like the urinal thing.. you walk into a bathroom you don't by any circumstances stand by another guy..

[suryad]

haha I was laughing my a** off when i read this.

[matthewk]

Funny stuff, thanks

[tioaboa]

You forgot the....

You shall never read the instruction manual of any device/car/software application.

And Men see only in 16 colours, i.e. its green (not mint) brown (not tan, biege etc.) this is particularly important during any decorating.

Also to go with the Xmas tip, for women please note men don't do subtle, so tell us what you want, hints just don't work!

[Crispy]

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

kick another guy in the nuts.

Nonono, that's not allowed... ever... !

[suryad]

Maybe we should ratify the code of conduct for men with some of tioaboa's suggestions.

[Synapse]

hah totally agree with tioaboa and Crispy.

[Zxian]

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

Why would you cry? That would mean that your vision gets blurry... can't properly see... etc etc

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

So true... you gain so many brownie points... especially if you win the fight.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

LMAO... I've lived through that one before...

Nice finds... good work!

[harunaksoy]

So true

[nil]

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

Nonono, that's not allowed... ever... !

As required by rules 21 and 22 I reckon...

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

I haven't seen that movie yet - and now I'm afraid to! What gives?

Edited November 30, 2005 by nil

[suryad]

Yeah I dont know what movie that is myself.

[mark]

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to

kick another guy in the nuts.

Nonono, that's not allowed... ever... !