Hows your insanity levels

[WolfX2]

20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker for 3 weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

Its Called therapy.

HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS AS MUCH AS I DID !!

[Lazy8]

30 Self-Affirmations I Must Repeat to Assure Myself of My Sanity:

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

22. False hope is better than no hope at all.

23. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

24. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.... I'll find someone.

25. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

26. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

27. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

28. To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

29. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

30. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

[RJM]

I thought I saw this somewhere before?

Enter the ZoneOffice Dares

Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work !

ONE-POINT DARES

1. Run one lap around the office at top speed

2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say “I can't talk right now. Bye."

5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.

6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES Click into the zone

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem - (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, **** it, all of you just shut up!"

8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."

9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:

Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

13. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.

15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.

18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you - here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. xxx Censored by Tom xxx

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, Run for your lives, they're loose!"

[Camarade_Tux]

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker for 3 weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[Lazy8]

Enter the ZoneOffice Dares

Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work !

It's a competition, then...will I get credit for the dares I performed on my own?