Safe s**

[hbinded]

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was

having

sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the

family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any

Attempt

to

stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to

arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then,

talk

to

her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the Woman

told

her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother

saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the

preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a ****

fine

sermon.

**** good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that

kind

of language in the Lord's House."

The man said, "I was so **** impressed with that sermon I put five

thousand

dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No s***?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some

hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to

be

in good health they were concerned about his rather small p*nis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed

him

pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large

stack

of warm pancakes in the middle! of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," mom replied, "The rest are for your father.

Edited February 28, 2006 by hbinded

[Lazy8]

Three students go to the clinic for a check up. the first student goes in and the doctor asks her to undress and get up on to the couch. "My" he says "What is that big 'O'on your chest?" "Well" says the first girl" I've got a boyfriend at Oxford University and every time we make love he insists on wearing his Oxford University sweatshirt and the big O just rubs off." "How strange." replies the doctor.

The second girl comes in takes off her clothes and gets up on to the couch. "My" says the doctor. "What is that big 'C' on your chest?" "Well" says the 2nd girl "I have a boyfriend at Cambridge University, and every time we make love he insists on wearing his Cambridge Unversity sweatshirt, and the big 'C' just rubs off." she says. "How strange" replies the doctor.

The third girl comes in takes off her clothes and gets on to the couch with a big 'M' on her chest. "Don't tell me "says the doctor. "Boyfriend at Manchester?"

"No" replies the girl. "Girlfriend at Warwick!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window:

"I want to open a g*d **** checking account,"

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, **** it. I said I want to open a g*d **** checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no **** problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the **** lottery and I want to open a g*d **** checking account in this **** bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this b***h jumping your case?"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in almost four years.

As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a purple heart on!"

To which the mother replied, "Don't describe it to me, boy! Just let him in, and go play outside for a couple hours.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A woman runs into the pro shop of a golf club and yells, "I just got stung by a bee out on your course."

The pro, solicitous, asks, "Where?"

She cries, "Between the first and second hole."

The pro says, "I can tell you right now that your stance is too open."

[mark]

Ha-ha-ha. Some really good ones there.

DL

[matthewk]

I liked the warwick and the golf stance ones hehe

What does the purple heart one mean?

[DigeratiPrime]

the warwick one is the best

[mark]

@Matthewk Go and say the joke outloud, to yourself. See what you hear.

DL

Edited March 9, 2006 by DL

[Maleko]

LOL! good ones!