Buncefield oil depot, Hemel Hempstead

[Railman5]

Oil depot explosion hit in the early hours of Sunday morning Buncefield oil depot, Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ..The blast decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa''s were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

3 Counties Radio (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hemel apart from the local punch ups at Jarman Park at closing time!

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying "What the F*ck was that?" My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning...

Apparently though, looting, muggings, spraying graffiti and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

* Fila or Burberry baseball caps

* Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

* Shell suits (female)

* White sport socks

* Rockport boots

* Any Garments by Donnay

* Any other items usually sold in Primark.

* Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

* Required foodstuffs include:

* Microwave meals

* Tins of baked beans

* Ice cream

* Pork Scratchings

* Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppys for a family of 9

Breaking news Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - ''Where are you bleeding from?'' they asked - "HEMEL HEMPSTEAD" said the girl, "Woss that faaacken got to do wiv you?"

[mark]

Similar to our redneck, WV and UP jokes but better written. Nice test of someone's 'English' skills, well, mine anyway.

DL