2004 darwin award nominees

[Schadenfroh]

Link

Nominee No. 1: [san Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to

break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally

shot himself to death when the gun discharged,

blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was

killed in March as he was trying to repair what

police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a

friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns

hung underneath so that he could ascertain the

source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught

on something, however, and the other man found Burns

"wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to

death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the

sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he

reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith &

Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it

to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of

Southern states always seem to figure prominently

among the Darwin nominees.)

Nominee No. 4: [uPI, Toronto]:

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of

windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed

through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24

floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry

Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto

Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was

explaining the strength of the building's windows to

visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted

demonstrations of window strength according to

police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of

the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper

that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members

of the 200-man association. (Nice to see another

Canadian province getting into the awards.... The

Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)

Nominee No. 5: [bloomberg News Service]:

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are

being blamed for the death of a man who was killed

by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his

body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane

gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily

of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).

It was just the right combination of foods. It

appears that the man died in his sleep from

breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over

his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been

opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was

shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to

the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity

for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the

rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird

posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting

South Carolina's electric chair on a murder

conviction before having his sentence reduced to

life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in

his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit

into a wire and was electrocuted. (South Carolina

entrants are always perennial favorites.)

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal

explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using

a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle

loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon

discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators

said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'

rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators

said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader

that had not been firing properly. He was using the

lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his

condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb

slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan

Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the

accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of

the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair

moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.

(Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if people are

moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck

left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on

State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County

deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly

after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des

Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were

returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an

overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck

headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available,

Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his

pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the

steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet

the headlights again began to operate properly, and

the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White

River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20

miles, and just before crossing the river, the

bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck

Poole in the testicles.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the

pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only

minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will

require extensive surgery to repair the damage to

his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated

and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge

when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both

be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10

years in this part of the world, but this is a first

for me. I can't believe that those two would admit

how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's

wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and

did anyone get them from the truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of

their misadventure as normally required by Darwin

Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole

DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the

gene pool.)

[SiMoNsAyS]

i don't know why but this reminds me a lot to the movie "magnolia"