Earthquake hits Salford - APPEAL

[FthrJACK]

An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the richter scale hit Salford last

Wednesday morning. The epicentre was Ordsall. Casualties were

seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order" "mental" and "sorted".

The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55

worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from

Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas

of historic importance where burned out cars were destroyed, were

wrecked. Many locals were woken before their giro's arrived.

One resident, Kylie Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four

said, "It was such a f***kin shock, little Chardonnay-Destiny came

running into my bedroom crying, my hands were shaking that much I

could hardly skin-up".

The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny

Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are

still searching through the rubble and have found numerous 'Elizabeth Duke'

sovereign rings, benefit books and Poundstretcher ornaments.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for

those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster.

Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste

tracksuits, white socks, Burberry caps, Beanie hats and Reebok

trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain oven

chips, Aldi beans, Monster Munch and Iceland pizza. Alcohol is

also in short supply, especially White Lightening Cider and Special Brew.

Cash donations are also needed. 22p buys a 'signing on' biro,

£2.50 buys a Jumbo Sausage Dinner, £20.00 buys a fake MOT and

£16.00 buys 200 Regal from the back of Tommo's lorry. Your help is

appreciated.

Edited October 3, 2005 by FthrJACK