battery: "0% available, plugged in, not charging"

[cluberti]

Well, that being the case, either it's a Win7 bug or a BIOS reporting issue (probably more likely the latter, but anything's possible - the battery issue previous was specific to HP models, so if you've found one that isn't HP I'm quite sure Microsoft will want to know and investigate). With that in mind, I would *strongly* suggest creating a Microsoft case in your region, and have them investigate this. You may have to escalate a few times to get an actual escalation engineer to work this, but that's probably what it's going to take.

Microsoft Canada support is at (800) 668-7975. They'll likely have to work with you and the laptop OEM (if it's still under support) to figure it out.