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About amardeepsingh

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  1. i want to create an database application using microsoft access and visual basic for phonebook i.e saving name and addresses of my friends but i want to know how can i - display the records from database in form of labels instead of displaying in the text field - most importantly i want that this application would work without requiring access and visual basic to be installed on the computer. in short i want to create an database application which can be run without installing visual basic and access. hows that possible. plz help
  2. hi friends it has been a long time since i last visited this forum thanks to all of u for the support u provided. i want to ask that how to automatically install information internet services IIS Server along with the setup. is there any way that each time iis server gets installed along with the unattended xp. please help thanks
  3. hi friends i have successfully created unattended windows xp with the help and support of you msfn members but i am unable to create unattended windows 2003 cd the problem is that i have seen somewhere in the forum that winnt.sif doesnt work in case of win 2k3 if put in i386 folder it should be put in a floopy to install unattended 2003 tell me is this true. when i put winnt.sif in i386 folder and start installing unattended windows 2003 the setup asks me to put windows 2000 server or windows nt cd in order to test for previous operation system how to get rid of this from unattended windows 2003 setup Please help winnt.sif
  4. There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
  5. One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. "You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said. "And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!" Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?" The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!" The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"
  6. It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death' ?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki's "Patrick Henry 1775," he said. "Very good! Who said '...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki raised his hand: "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point a student said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?" Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little s***. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki yells, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her. One of the kids says, "Oh s***, we're in BIG trouble!" Suzuki says, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."
  7. ok so a bar tender says ill give u a free drink tommorow if u can guess the name of my bar , 1st guy: the place where the bar tender peese in ur beer and u dont know ,the guy looks around and says uhhhhhh no 2nd guy: uhh poop, lol no awwww 3rd guy: was realy drunk , then amanda came in and he said look at amandaas legs he said correct come over here tomorrow for a free drink , (tommorow) he is sitting on the ground in front o the bar waiting 4 it to open so after the cops have been watching 4 2 hous they ask wut hes doing ,(funny part) he says o im waiting 4 amandas legs to open so i can get a free drink
  8. John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So, he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But, the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now." Love, Mom. Lesson of the day: Don't lie to your mother.
  9. There were three men they were japanese,mexican,and american well they were sleeping in a haunted house in seperate rooms the mexican guy heard voices ion the closet it was saying when i get you Im gonna eat you when I get you Im gonna the eat you the mexican guy got scared so he ask the Japanese guy to look in the closet with him they both went inside the mexican's room and they heard the same chanting..when I get you Im gonna eat..they got scared and they ask the american guy to go look in the closet with them they finally open up he closet it was an old guy picking his noise sayin when I get you Im gonna eat you When I get you Im gonna eat you
  10. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects-- Sorry, that's the way the game is played. You've probably been playing and losing at this game for some time, without any understanding why. Now that you have the scorecard, you may fare better. You stay by her side the entire party 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2 Named Tiffany -4 Tiffany is a dancer -6 Tiffany has implants -8 When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly +1 When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain" and pat her on the rump -5 When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you" +1 When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say, "Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" -6 That woman is her sister -90 You have one drink, and that's it 0 You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle. -2 You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted. -18 Saturday Afternoon You go to the mall together +3 You go to the mall, drop her off in front, then park the car +4 Then drive to a sports bar -2 You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it +3 You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional 0 You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk +3 Most of it chips and beer -6 You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den +15 Or refinishing the floors +19 Or rewiring the basement +21 Or adding a second floor +25 Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket -6 You visit her parents +1 You visit her parents and actually make conversation +3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television -3 And the television is off -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear -6 And you didn't even go to college -15 You forgot to pick her up at the airport -25 Which is in Newark, New Jersey -35 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast -50 A Night Out With The Boys Go out with a pal -5 And the pal is happily married -4 Or frighteningly single -7 And he drives a Trans Am -10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15 You have a few beers -5 And miss curfew by an hour -10 You get home at 3 am -20 Smelling of booze and cheap cigars -30 And not wearing any pants -40 Is that a tattoo??? -200 A Night Out You take her to a movie +2 You take her to a movie she likes +4 To a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) +6 To a movie you like -2 It's called DeathCop 3 -7 Which features cyborgs having sex -9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and dogs -15 When asked how she looks, you reply, "fine" or "nice" 0 You reply, "beautiful" or "gorgeous" +5 You reply anything without being asked +10 You notice something she did special, (hair, nails, eyelashes). +15 You mention you like her new hairdo +15 She says she had that done last week -10 Flowers You buy her flowers only when it's expected 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it +5 You can actually name a few of them +8 You can name all of them, because you hand selected them +10 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself +10 And she contracts Lyme disease -25 Your Physique You develop a potbelly 0 You develop a noticeable potbelly -10 You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. +10 You resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -5 Driving You lose the directions on a trip -4 You lose the directions and end up getting lost -10 You refuse to ask for directions 0 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town. -15 You meet the locals up close and personal -25 She finds out you lied about having a black belt -60 The Big Question She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5 (Sensitive things always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding -10 You pretend you didn't hear -12 You reply, "Where?" -25 You reply, "Compared to what?" -30 You reply, "But I like you that way" -35 You reply, "Not for your age" -40 Communication When she wants to talk about a problem: -5 You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0 She realized the TV is on behind her -10 You listen, for over 30 minutes +5 More than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV. +10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep -10
  11. This lawyer was on his way home form work and he passes two bums who are eating grass. he invites both familys to his house for dinner. On the drive home one of the children asks "Kind sir you are so kind. How are you going to give us all something to eat?" the lawyer says "Dont sweat. My back yard has one foot tall grass."
  12. The Japanese president, the Mexican president, and the Indonesian president with his talkative-senator go for a helecopter ride. The mexican took out a cigar, takes a breath and throws it out the window. The other two ask "Why did you do that?!" "Dont worry, in my contry we have a lot of those" The japanese took out a digital camera, takes a few shots and throws it out the window. "why did you do that?" the other two cried "Dont worry my country has a lot of those." The indonesian pushes the talkative senator out the helecopter. The others go krazy. "WHAT?!" "Dont worry my country has a lot of talkative people."
  13. Blonde Secretary's Memo to her Boss TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark Februark Mak Julk I also changed all the days of each week to: Sundak Mondak Tuesdak Wednesdak Thursdak Fridak Saturdak We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!
  14. A university Math professor had to compose an exam to give his students at the end of the year. He was a bit lazy, so he set the following exam: ---------- "Compose a math examination suitable for students to sit, and solve all questions giving suitable examples." ---------- That was all. He handed out the exam to his students and gave them three hours to complete it. However, after just a couple of minutes one student stood up, handed in his paper and left the room. That student got an "A". But how? Well, here's what the student wrote: MATHS EXAM Question 1. Compose a math examination suitable for students to sit, and solve all questions giving suitable examples. Correct Answer: Compose a math examination suitable for students to sit, and solve all questions giving suitable examples. End. He figured that if that exam was good enough for a university professor to set his students, it was certainly good enough to use as an example! In the future, the professor banned that specific answer from the exams
  15. Two elderly ladies meet at the laundromat after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead."

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