The 2 Dozen Male Commandments

[techguy21801]

The 2 Dozen Male Commandments

1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.

2. When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned you

and your buds may be....is it NOT appropriate to rub sunscreen on each

other's backs.

3. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't see nothin'.

4. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and

eaten by his fellow partygoers.

5. When in need to go pee, there is a minimum of one empty urinal between

you and another man. If this is not possible, you're out of luck----hold it

'til later.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without

recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call you on

it. (Exception: When trying to pick-up a girl, the allowable exaggeration

rate rises to 400%).

7. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

8. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits

forever, unless you actually marry her.

9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running

late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are

required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the

classic 1-10 scale.

10. Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's, and your

resume. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the

weakest.

12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies

until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a

Buffalo wing clean.

14. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail out a

friend within 12 hours.

15. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

(In fact even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly optional).

16. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a

girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into a

ceiling fan.

17. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about

his choice of beer.

18. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear

in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always

ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask who's playing.

20. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning

on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless model....and it's

free.

21. Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed to kick another

member of the male species in the "family jewels."

22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: both

urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost

imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the conversation you need.

23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain

sober enough to do her.

24. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.