RJM Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 You know you're an engineer when....Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."###############################To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.##################################A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"##############################What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.#######################The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"#########################Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"############################"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."##########An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" asked the artist. Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phkninja Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Three engineers, a Mechanical Engineer an Electrical engineer and a Software Engineer, are travelling trough the desert when the jeep they were travelling in breaks down. The mechanical engineer hops up promptlt and says "ill check the engine that will be the problem, these old jepps always have a problem with the enigine". The elctrical engineer then says "i disagree, i think i should check the electrics. Its always a wiring problem in this model of jeep". With that the software engineer turns around and says "Ok there is no need to argue, I have a simple solution. If we close all the open windows and restart that will solve the problem".******************************************************************3 electronic engineers are walking down the road, all talking about the new advances in technology. With that they hear a beeping sound. The first engineer pulls down his sleeve to reveal a message on his arm. "What do you think of my new pager technology. It has far more surface to display the message you want to convey." They acrry on and get about 200 yards when they hear a phone ringing. The second engineer puts his thumb to his ear and his little finger to his mouth, then taps the back of his hand. After talking for 10 minutes he rejoins the group and says "what do you think of my new phone. It has a microphone in my little finger, a speaker in my thumb and all the buttons are arranged on my hand. This way ill never have to worry about loosing a phone again." They continue on when the third suddenly runs, hops and hops over a fence into a field. The other two are a bit worried so rush to see if everything is alright. When they reach the field they see the third engineer has his trousers around his ankles, a piece of paper in his bum and has a strange look on his face. The other two ask "are you alright", with that the third says "will be with you in a minute, im sorry but theres a fax coming coming through from the office" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost Soul Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 lol good one,, cant believe he took the bike lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zxian Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 ...you're me - who has just spent the past week trying to get my department to win Engineering Week at UBC... I'm freakin tired!!! No but seriously... here's another one.A man is in a hot air balloon, and he realizes that he's got himself a little lost. He sees a man on the ground and calls out: "Hello there! Can you tell me where I am?"The man on the ground looks around a bit and replies: "You're in a hot air balloon, about 50ft in the air, and about 200ft northwest of my position."The man in the balloon says: "You must be an engineer.""Why yes I am. How did you know?" replies the engineer.The man in the balloon answers: "Everything you've told me is technically correct, but it doesn't help me at all." "You must be in management." says the engineer."How did you know?" says the manager."You came to me with a problem, and I gave you an answer, but now it's my fault!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazy8 Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart.A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"The mathematician said: "Never."The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I pay you $5."Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says "Ok, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50!"This catches the engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question: "What is the distance from the Earth to the moon?"The engineer doesn’t say a word, but simply reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the programmer. Now, it’s the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his notebook computer and searches all of his references. He uses the Airphone to log online, attempts to Google the answer, and queries several research databases. Frantically, he e-mails all his contacts and crossposts to every newsgroup--to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. He politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks, "Well, so what’s the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The Physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and got some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The Math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trignometry to figure out the height of the building. These two students bumped into the Engineering student the next day, who was nursing a really bad hangover. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied: "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and made it to the bar in time for happy hour!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zxian Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 @Lazy8 - Wow... I love the second joke. Simply brilliant... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idontwantspam Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 This is lame, and only somewhat relevant. Someone said it on Slashdot a while ago, modified slightly to make sense and be funnier...----------------------"Arguing with an Engineer is kind of like wrestling with a pig in the mud... after a while you start to realize that they're actually enjoying it - a lot."----------------------Funny, lame, and totally true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XtremeMaC Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 lol they're so funny, thanxxx!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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