suryad Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 International Rules of Manhood01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.c. After wrecking your boss' car.d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".e. When she is using her teeth.03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killedand eaten by his buddies.04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out ofjail within 12 hours.05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limitsforever, unless you actually marry her.06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not theweakest.09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may askthe score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her toclimax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulententertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you'resunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel..and it's free.12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed tokick another guy in the nuts.13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spiesuntil they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink asmuch as the other sports watchers.17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remainsober enough to fight.18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,but not both, that's just greedy.19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking abouthis choice of beer.20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!c. Another set and we can hit the showers!22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, analmost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer thanyou are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up ifnecessary.24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" havecarnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty isno reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion aboutwhat a big mistake it was occurs.25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for herto drive yours.26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.Ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nil Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 10: ...If you trap her head under the covers...!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synapse Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 rofl its amazing how many of those are true.. even if you've never been told them before... its like the urinal thing.. you walk into a bathroom you don't by any circumstances stand by another guy.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suryad Posted November 29, 2005 Author Share Posted November 29, 2005 haha I was laughing my a** off when i read this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matthewk Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Funny stuff, thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tioaboa Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 You forgot the....You shall never read the instruction manual of any device/car/software application.And Men see only in 16 colours, i.e. its green (not mint) brown (not tan, biege etc.) this is particularly important during any decorating.Also to go with the Xmas tip, for women please note men don't do subtle, so tell us what you want, hints just don't work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crispy Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed tokick another guy in the nuts.Nonono, that's not allowed... ever... ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suryad Posted November 29, 2005 Author Share Posted November 29, 2005 Maybe we should ratify the code of conduct for men with some of tioaboa's suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synapse Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 hah totally agree with tioaboa and Crispy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zxian Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.Why would you cry? That would mean that your vision gets blurry... can't properly see... etc etc17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.So true... you gain so many brownie points... especially if you win the fight. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.LMAO... I've lived through that one before...Nice finds... good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harunaksoy Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 So true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nil Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 (edited) 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.Nonono, that's not allowed... ever... !As required by rules 21 and 22 I reckon... 02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".I haven't seen that movie yet - and now I'm afraid to! What gives? Edited November 30, 2005 by nil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suryad Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 Yeah I dont know what movie that is myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed tokick another guy in the nuts.Nonono, that's not allowed... ever... ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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