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Problem lie between the keyboard and the chair


Mercury_22

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Here are some True storys i found on another forum:

User: How do I disable the antivirus software on my system?

Me: Why on earth would you want to do that?

User: Well, for two hours now I've been trying to open an e-mail attachment, and the antivirus keeps popping up with something about melissa, then won't let me open the e-mail. I don't even know a melissa, but I really want to open this e-mail.... Hey, why are you un-plugging my network cable?

He had spent 2 hours trying to open an infected attachment.. Then called my boss (who told him he was an id***) when I unplugged his laptop and took it away to give it a thorough virus scan before I'd let it back on my network. To this day, this particular user (in sales) keeps me busy trying to protect him from himself.

Customer calls me up saying that she cant access her internet connection from the office. So I ask her a couple questions to see if I need to come over to fix it. Turns out that she had thrown out the Internet modem the night before because it "looked ugly sitting on that shelf."

I just finished setting up a guys network for about 60 computers and I sat down to have some lunch. He wasn't the one who was going to run it, he just financed it. Anyways, He came over and said that he had tried to run all 60 computers and none of them were working. I came with him to see what the problem was, and it turns out he's never turned on a computer before... all he did was move the mouse of all 60 computers to "turn them on."

"We have a lot of executives who keep their important messages in the Deleted Items Folder. go figure... "

Edited by Mercury 22
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hahah thanks for the laughs.

ahh the nightmares i'm gonna have if i ever become a network administrator..

kinda inspires me to make an "ID-10-T Cheat Sheet" that i would post at every workstation.

like...

1. The Golden Rule - Is it plugged in?

2. If the Computer is on, but the Screen is dark.. Check to make sure the Screen is On.

etc...

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hahah thanks for the laughs.

ahh the nightmares i'm gonna have if i ever become a network administrator..

kinda inspires me to make an "ID-10-T Cheat Sheet" that i would post at every workstation.

like...

1. The Golden Rule - Is it plugged in?

2. If the Computer is on, but the Screen is dark.. Check to make sure the Screen is On.

etc...

It looks like a goooooood idea! :thumbup

Here are some more:

1) A receptionist calls the help-desk complaining the PC was shutting down when ever she used the electric pencil sharpeners. The technician assumed a faulty power outlet or a breaker, so he walks to the receptionist's desk and asks her to reproduce the problem. The receptionist, picks up a pencil and sticks it into the recessed RESET switch. In the receptionists defence, this story happened in the early 80s, when PCs where still very new.

2) In 1997 I worked for an ISP and during the training, our instructor told us he once asked a client to click on a specific icon with the mouse. A second later my instructor heard over the phone a single knock against a glass object. Just in case you can not imagine how stupid people can be, the client had pressed the mouse against the screen.

:blink::lol::wacko:

Real calls to Compaq

A lady calls Compaq (circa Windows 95) and is not old, about 30ish:

L: My PC won't work.

Compaq: Okay, let me ask you a few questions.

L: Ok.

C: Is it plugged into electricity and is that cord plugged into your computer?

L: Yes.

C: Okay, what does it say on the screen?

L: Nothing.

C: Okay, is your monitor cable plugged into the computer and the monitor.

L: Yes.

C: Hmmm... Is all the things like the mouse and keyboard attached.

L: Yes.

C: Okay, explain to me exactly what it did when you pressed the power button.

L: Power button? What power button? I though it was Plug-n-play.

And, the lady was a Doctor!

-------------

An older lady calls in.

L: Hi. Can you help me.

C: Sure.

L: I need my coffee cup holder fixed.

C: Well, ma'am, your computer doesn't, umm, have a coffe cup holder.

L: Yes, it does!

C: No, you'd have to supply that on your own.

L: Listen, young man, I'm telling you it has a coffee cup holder. I just press the button and it slides right out.

C: Ma'am, ummm, that's your CD-Rom drive not a coffee cup holder.

L: Oh, I was wondering where to put the CDs.

----------

Guy: Hi, my computer is down.

C: Okay, what happened?

G: It just went out all of the sudden.

C: Oh, can you check the power cord to make sure it didn't get accidently unplugged.

G: Sure, but that won't be easy.

C: Why?

G: Well, the power just went out to the whole building a few minutes ago.

A neighbor was over visiting and checking out my friend's computer in the mid 90's. The internet was going pretty good by then. We had to go someplace and decided to let the neighbor use the 'puter and showed him how to navigate the internet.

We returned to find him messing around with the floppy drive. We asked him what was up. He responded that he'd come across a website which sold vintage wine and he wanted to purchase some. He was happy to find that they accepted credit cards for purchase. Long story short, turns out he was trying to get his credit card back out of the floppy

drive slot.

Edited by Mercury 22
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2. If the Computer is on, but the Screen is dark.. Check to make sure the Screen is On.
or...

After sending her kids off to school a friend switched on her computer to complete some urgent work and found that her screen was black. Frantic, she rings her (very busy IT tech) brother at work (miles away) and says that her monitor had died, can he race her over a replacement for the day. Later, while greeting him at the door, she notices him glance towards the system and saw his face turned that indescribable "annoyed" colour.

Apparently he walked over to the monitor, centered the brightness dial, then left without saying another word.

What made her story funnier to me was that she finished it off with "those **** kids"... :)

Cheers

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I remember reading one story about a person who was installing a program that needed two CDs. She called tech support and told them that she followed the instructions when the installer told her to "Insert Disc 2". What she didn't do, however, was remove Disc 1. :lol:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her efective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,"the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and

nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Edited by Mercury_22
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Here is another

:lol: "I was helping someone set up his computer, and he wanted to log in with a password....now you have to understand he's got somewhat of a rebellious attitude and goes for the shock effect...so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he keys in 'penis'...I nearly fell off the chair from laughing so hard when the computer replied:

*** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH *** " :blushing:

And another..

Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at thesame time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Edited by Mercury_22
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