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You know you're an engineer when....


Railman5
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You know you're an engineer when....

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" asked the artist. Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

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I've got a couple more to add... a bit naughty on one...

Three men are sitting around discussing what type of engineer God was when he created Man.

The first man says: "God must have been a mechanical engineer. Look at all the joints and muscles and structures in the body. Definately mechanical."

The second man says: "God must have been an electrical engineer. Look at the miles and miles of nerves we have runnning through our bodies, not to mention the brain. Definately electrical."

The third man says: "You two have got it all wrong... God was a civil engineer. Who else would put a toxic waste pipeline right next to a recreational area?"

There's a group of mathematicians and a group of engineers all on a train on their way to a conference. The mathematicians are laughing at the engineers because the mathematicians all have their own tickets, while the engineers have one ticket for all of them.

The engineers have a watchman out waiting for the conductor. When the conductor comes along, the calls out to the other engineers, and they all run into a stall in the bathroom. The conductor collects the tickets from each of the mathematicians and then walks over to the bathroom stall, knocks on the door, and says: "Tickets please." The engineers slide their one ticket under the door. When the conductor moves on, they all get out of the stall.

On the way back from the conference, the mathematicians are laughing again, because they have one ticket for the group, and the engineers have no tickets. The mathematicians have a watchman waiting for the conductor. He calls out to the rest of the mathematicians and they all pile into a bathroom stall. One of the engineers then walks over, knocks on the door, and says: "Tickets please."

An engineer is walking through the park when he comes across a talking frog.

"Wait!" says the frog. "I'm not a frog. I'm actually a beautiful princess, and if you kiss me, I'll turn back into my beautiful self and give you a kiss in return."

The engineer picks up the frog, smiles at it, and puts it in his pocket. The frog is somewhat confused and says:

"Ok, ok. If you kiss me, I'll back turn into my beautiful self, and I'll have sex with you for your good deed."

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and puts it back. Now the frog is getting really mad. It says to the engineer:

"Ok... If you kiss me, I'll turn back into my beautiful self, and I'll have sex with you whenever you want and cook your meals and be your wonderful wife."

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and puts it back. The frog is furious.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!?! I've offered to be your wife so I can be everything for you. Why won't you kiss me?!?!"

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket and says to it:

"You know... a beautiful wife, lots of sex, a good meal... everyone's got that. But a talking frog... now that's cool."

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  • 5 weeks later...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer are driving through the desert when their jeep breaks down. They all get out to anayse whats wrong. The mechanical engineer says "its probably the engine, these things have a habit of overheating, even on a wet cold day.". The electrical engineer syas "No you have it all wrong, its an electrical problem. These things are so old the wires just distintigrate when you hit any kind of bump.". The computer engineer says " I dont care what the problem is. If we shut all the open windows and restart that will fix the problem, believe me I work for microsoft".

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