jerseygirl

Just stopped in to say hello! It's been awhile, Xperties keeps me too busy to talk to anyone. lol Tris how is the baby? Any pics?

She is sooooooooooooo cute....I want one! Congratulations Tris!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch stdy at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch." But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize!" The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads: "W I N A B A G E L"

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high... you might want to use this logic....... A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, They decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, But they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, The man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, And then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center That were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them", the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Dec 23

I was happy! My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, quite a lot, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, which made me feel uncomfortable. One day she called me and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. So before I got married and committed my life to her daughter, she wanted to make love to me just once. What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door...I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.

you know, even if he thought she was 18 or 19....he is still a freakin pig.........He is 31 for crying out loud.

who is a pain in who's @ss????? you'll get rest alright.

hoopla???? hehehehe

welcome to the zoo is right!

no beer..... shots, shots, shots (blackhouse)

You have been told a millions times....NO WAREZ! if you want her you have to buy her. doen't sound like she wants money.......seems she gives it away for free. Be careful sounds like it contains a virus.

Thanks everyone. Sorry it took me so long to thank everyone, had some stuff going on yesterday and I was not home, yet alone on the pc. You guys are a great group of people! Thanks again.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN! BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?" ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer. FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number. ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours!

FEMALE PRAYER: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks. When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, and never attempt to hit on my friend. Amen. MALE PRAYER: I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Amen.

You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive? Makes one think, and puts things in perspective. Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ..........$10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19.........$ 9.52 per gallon Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 .................$10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ..........$10 .00 per gallon Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ............ $33.60 per gallon Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ............$178.13 per gallon Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ...........$123.20 per gallon Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ...........$25.42 per gallon Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....................$84.48 per gallon and this is the REAL KICKER...... Evian water 9 oz for $1.49 ........ $21.19 per gallon. $21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers don't even know the source. So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or Heaven forbid, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!! Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...........!

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. 3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to. 7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars. 8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. 9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? 11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. (And for anyone who...like my friend across the cubicle wall from me...don't know, the worlds oldest profession is prostitution.) 13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. 14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? (And I can't get anything happening in my hibachi with gasoline and a flame thrower) 15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Lesson in Worms Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day, these were the results: The first worm in alcohol - dead. Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead. Third worm in sperm - dead. Fourth worm in soil - alive. Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms

where do you take it to get it flashed? or how do you get it flashed?

thanks everyone....chris contacted the motherboard company and they are sending him a replacement chip for 29.95 He should have it in a week or so. Thanks again for all your help

Hey, Xperties asked me to let everyone know, he won't be around for a couple weeks. He made a bit of a boo boo. He flashed his bios and killed his motherboard. So unless anyone knows how to recover the motherboard, he has to wait to purchase a new one. His apologies for being unavailable to the board.

(10) He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? (9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money. (8) He said ... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded. (7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be a queen (6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not." (5) He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight ? She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and drink beer." (4) Priest said... 'I don' t think you will ever find another man like your late husband. She said... 'Who's gonna look? (3) He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror. (2) He said ... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. And the number (1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you said not to call you at work.

Management: A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. "You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist." I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's all my fault."